


Lie to Me.

by draymckay



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I don't want to ruin the story with tags but message me if you're afraid of triggers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, promised happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-06-23 01:57:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15595686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draymckay/pseuds/draymckay
Summary: Josh Dun ran away from his demons his freshman year of high school. He never wanted to step foot back into Columbus, but as fate would have it, he was there once again to attend college with his best friend Brendon Urie.He was hopeful that things were going to be different, things were looking up.Then he saw Tyler Joseph.





	1. My Friends Over You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello loves!  
> I've been working on this fic idea for a bit now and I'm excited to finally get it up to you guys.  
> There are quite a few chapters and I'm going to try to post about twice a week!  
> It should go without saying, but I don't own these characters or songs.  
> Also, I don't have a beta so any mistakes are my own doing. Oops?  
> Without further ado, I present this work.  
> <3

Sometimes there are moments when time just seems to stand still for Josh. Like now when he was sitting wide awake at 3:17am staring out his bedroom window at the rain washed street below. Everything seemed more quiet, more real, in the middle of the night. He was able to admit things to himself he'd never be able to speak in the bright hours of the day. It was just a good time to think, really.

Josh was about to start at college tomorrow but he was scared and dreading it. Sure, he was able to score a joint dorm room with his best friend, Brendon, but he hasn't stepped foot back in Columbus since his freshman year. That was when his world fell apart. After all, there was a reason he left so he's not entirely sure why he even let Brendon talk him into coming back anyway. This place was only filled with nightmares for him. Any remnants of happy memories were tarnished a long time ago. He sighed deeply and shook the thoughts from his head. 

What are the chances anyone from his high school would even go to the same college anyway? Most kids move around everywhere after graduation for freedom. He would be fine. Nobody would remember the blue haired outcast even if they did happen to stick around. Besides, he had Brendon now. He just had to keep reminding himself of that. Brendon would never abandon him, they had a silent pact of sticking together forever. Their version of til death do they part. 

He glanced over at the clock. 3:48am. He would have to be up in roughly three hours so Brendon and himself could get a head start at moving but the urge to sleep was long gone. Nights like these he just wanted to disappear. The overwhelming sensations of being back in his hometown was just too much. Eventually he made his way back to his bed, pulling the covers over his head, and prayed for sleep to come. 

 

\-----------------//----------------

"Dude, was it really necessary to be up this early? I mean, you don't even look like you've slept." Brendon was always the best to point out the obvious. He had been there for all of two hours before he was complaining about 'being awake before the sun.'

"It's cause I haven't Brendon." Josh tossed his keys to the other boy and walked to the passenger side of the car. "Which is exactly why you're driving. I need my beauty sleep."

"Sweeeeet! First things first, though. Foooood." He patted his stomach. "WE need energy for this day of actually using our bodies for strength instead of our ravishing good looks." Brendon proceeded to place one hand on his hip while using his other free hand to fake a hair flip.

Josh laughed and rolled his eyes. "Taco Bell?"

"Taco Bell." Brendon nodded in agreement with a chesire smile. "Maybe Taco Bell will be our always."

"Cool it, John Green." He felt a smile creep across his face. Yeah, this would be okay.

After they inhaled their nachos and Baja Blast, they decided to hit the road again with as few stops as possible. The campus was around an hour drive from Josh's house and they had a lot of work to get done. Especially with classes starting in a few days. Brendon put on his favorite Queen cd and Josh got lost in his thoughts again as he tried to get some rest. 

Josh met Brendon right after he moved from Columbus. They had a few classes together at his new high school but one particular day they both happened to be wearing the same Green Day shirt and their friendship was official. There was no turning back. To be perfectly honest, Josh had never believed in divine intervention but Josh knew if it wasn't for Brendon he wouldn't even have made it this far so that's something. He was Josh's lifeline in a way and he would never be able to repay him for every sleepless night they had shared together. Brendon was there for him when he needed him most. Like a best friend was supposed to be. 

Truthfully, most people thought they were an item. Mostly because Brendon was gay and proud so when Josh became attached to him at the hip, everyone was right to assume. It just wasn't like that. Josh remembered when he first came to Brendon asking all kinds of sexuality questions. Finally, Brendon just kissed him so hard that Josh knew that's what he wanted. So when Josh came out to his family, it was only fitting Brendon was there too. Always cheering Josh on from the sidelines no matter the consequences. Like in that particular case when Josh's dad punched Brendon right in the nose because he jumped in front of the fist coming straight for his best friend. Since then, they've hooked up on more than one occasion, mostly when they need distractions from their lives or just for fun really. Brendon said its cause they're just bonded that way. Josh never argued. 

Josh was still lost in thought when they pulled into the campus parking lot. If it wasn't for Brendon hitting the biggest pot hole in existence he wouldn't have snapped out of it. 

"Jesus Christ, Brendon did you hit a small child?" 

"Oh, I'd like to see you do any better. The pot hole was the size of a meteor! Do they never fill these in? What do we pay tuition for?!" scoffed Brendon.

The parking lot was full of cars. They thought they were being smart coming a couple days early, but obviously everyone else had had the same idea as well. Luckily, finding their dorm building wasn't as hard as finding a parking space. 

\-------------------//------------------

Six hours and two coffee runs later, they had finally, FINALLY, managed to get all of their belongings into one room aside from the last box of Josh's cds. Brendon had collapsed on his bed and told Josh he was in fact "not going up or down those stairs anymore today for any reason whatsoever" so Josh didn't even bother to ask for the company. He just shook his head and laughed at his friend. He didn't want to get a tired Brendon worked up. He's sassy on a full nights sleep, Josh didn't want to see him with lackthereof. 

Since they had to park a decent bit away from their dorm entrance, Josh knew he'd be lost in his thoughts again. He didn't really mind the walk, not really, it gave him some nice solitude. Josh was good at being alone. He felt free. Once he made it to the car, he congratulated himself for being able to grab the box with his one arm and still close the car door without dropping it. It was the little victories that made him smile. He finally began to allow himself to feel happy. Genuinely happy, for the first time since arriving here and it felt good. It felt normal. He felt like this was exactly where he was meant to be. 

Walking back to the dorm was finally starting to take a toll on him. Josh was fit, but even he wasn't used to this much exercise on no sleep. He would definitely be sore tomorrow. He could already feel the sting beckoning in his legs. He stood at the bottom of the stairs and released the breath he wasn't even aware he was holding, then began to ascend the stairs. "Alright, legs. Let's do this!"

"Josh?"

He froze. His legs refused to move. He would recognize that voice anywhere. He could spot it in a crowded room of people screaming with just the way it made his blood run cold. His stomach slowly twisted into a knot and he barely brought himself to turn around to confirm what he already knew.

"Tyler?"

His mind had to be playing tricks on him. Maybe its because he hadn't slept and worked all day lifting heavy furniture. That was the only explanation as to why Tyler fucking Joseph would be speaking to him now. No, Josh knew he wouldn't be that lucky. 

"Hey man!" Tyler reached out his hand to the blue haired boy. "Long time, no see!

Josh stared at the out stretched hand and wasn't sure he was going to take it but he finally just accepted the handshake. "Yeah-yeah. Its been a while."

"Its great to see you again! Are you staying in these dorms?" Tyler smiled. "I'm on the fourth floor. It was a killer to move in."

Josh gulped because of course Tyler Joseph would be living on the same floor of the same dorm as him. The universe had to hate him. 

"Yeah. My friend Brendon and I are rooming together on the fourth floor too. We just now finished moving." Josh wanted this conversation over. "But, hey, I'm gonna go put this box up. I'm pretty beat. I'll catch you later, Tyler." Josh shuffled the box into his other arm to begin to go up the stairs again. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a tinge of guilt the rest of the way to his room.

Josh slammed the dorm door as hard as he could. Life was cruel. 

"Joshie, what took so long? You were gone forever." Brendon hadn't even been phased by the slam of the door because he was still laying in the same exact spot Josh left him in nearly an hour prior. 

"Life is cruel. The universe has a fucking vendetta against me. I just don't want to think about it." Josh sat on his bed and ran his finger through the blue locks. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. 

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

Josh gave a death glare toward Brendon. That was all the answer Brendon seemed to need. Moments like these Josh was thankful for that 'divine bond'. Brendon moved onto Josh's bed and put arms around him. Josh fell into Brendons touch, it was familiar and right now, that's all he wanted. He allowed himself to eventually fall into the other boys lap and lay his head down. 

"Play with my hair. I'm sad." He brought Brendons hand to his blue locks and laid it there. "Please?"

"You never play with my hair when I'm sad." He retorted. 

"Because I blow you when you're sad." Josh replied. He could be in the worst situation possible and he would still hold on to his sense of humor.

Brendon shuffled around a bit and began to run a few fingers around Josh's scalp and waited for Josh to fall asleep.

 

Josh woke up to the feeling of an earthquake, like his whole body was shaking. That definitely wasn't normal, but in all actuality, he just wanted sleep so earthquake be damned. 

"Get up Joshie boy! We have plans!" Josh realized it wasn't an earthquake after all. Just his dipshit of a best friend. 

"No, go away. Let me sleep." He pulled the covers over his head and tried to ignore the fact Brendon was literally bouncing on the bed, using it as a trampoline.

"Dude, you've been asleep forever. It's like.." Brendon checked his watch. "..three and we have a party to go to tonight." He pulled the cover down from Josh's head and Josh whined. "Get up. Get ready. It's our first college extravaganza!"

Josh realized he was in a losing battle and he didn't have much fight in him anyway. "Fine."

"Party starts at nine. Some kid invited me in the hallway cause its on our floor. Apparently, this whole dorm building knows." Brendon was grinning from ear to ear, running to the closet, and seriously, where the fuck did he get this kind of energy? "Okay, Josh. We gotta look good tonight. Not that we don't normally, but it's our first party and we have to make it count." Brendon rummaged through their clothes for almost an hour before he settled on their outfits. 

Josh decided at around a quarter to seven he would get ready. He was hoping to find a way out of this stupid party, but he had no good reason and well, he was never good at telling Brendon no. So here he was, dressed in the tightest black pants Brendon could find him and praying to God for a miracle that he wouldn't have to deal with Tyler tonight. 

"Now that's an ass I can get behind!" smirked Brendon as he stared at Josh through the reflection in the mirror.

"You wish. I'm always behind your ass, Beebo." Retaliated Josh. 

Brendon winked, knowing better than to argue. "Of course, Joshie. You ready to party?"

Josh sighed, "As ready as I'll ever be."

 

The party was everything he expected. Loud music, alcohol, and he's pretty sure there were some kids doing drugs in one of the bathroom stalls. Brendon left Josh to 'make friends' pretty early on, so Josh did what he did best and tried to become invisible to the outside world. He was sitting on the balcony of the dorm building, watching the sun sinking into the hills when he heard that familiar voice again, making his stomach sink into the ground.

"Hey Josh! I'm glad you could make it! You enjoying yourself?" asked Tyler.

Josh turned around slowly. "Yeah, its uh, it's great. This is your party?"

"Yeah, kinda I guess. My roomie Patrick and I decided to throw it to kick off the year." He took a sip of whatever was in his red cup. Josh was super uncomfortable but Tyler didn't seem to notice. "Well, mostly Patrick and his boyfriend. I'm guilty by association. What are you doing out here alone anyway?"

"People aren't really my thing. I'm not good at making friends. Call me a loner, I guess." He really wished Tyler would just leave, but he didn't seem to be making any effort. Josh knew he was being a dick to the other boy but he wasn't ready to make friends. Especially not with Tyler.

"You had plenty of friends in school though! You were one of the most popular kids in school. Look, I know we aren't as close as we used to be but-"

Josh had enough.

"Who's fault is that, huh, Tyler? The key word is had friends. Not have. Why? Because of you." Josh saw the hurt in Tylers face but he stormed off anyway. Josh was done being the bottom of whatever sick fantasy Tyler was trying to tell himself to feel better. 

Josh angrily fought through the people until he found Brendon. Thank God for the alcohol cause right now, Josh just wanted to forget. One look at Brendon was all it ever took and they knew exactly what was going to happen. 

Josh grabbed Brendon's hand and they walked down the hallway to their room. Halfway there, Brendon really started to feel all those drinks so he leaned a little further into Josh. Just before they entered the room, Josh saw Tyler, standing at the end of the hallway looking defeated.

He threw open the door and pushed Brendon up against the wall, colliding their mouths in the process. Brendon wrapped his fingers in Josh's hair, causing Josh to let out a moan. He threw his head back breaking the kiss long enough to get his shirt off and start kissing down Brendon's neck. 

Brendon giggled, actually giggled, because he was ticklish and Josh knew this but he didn't care. He managed to somehow rid Brendon of his shirt in the process of leading him over to the bed but he didn't care how. He started to kiss down his chest, down his abdomen, and he nibbled the skin right above his jeans. Brendon bucked his hips and all but growled.

"Fuck, Josh." Brendon was already getting painfully hard and it showed through his tight pants. "Touch me, please fucking touch me."

Josh didn't have to be told twice. He unbuckled the jeans and finally managed to free the other boys member. Josh gripped it in his hand, giving it a few strokes before licking the underside and hearing Brendon curse multiple profanities at once. Josh placed the member in his mouth and Brendon all but came apart right then. He had forgotten how turned on Brendon gets when alcohol is involved and Josh was loving every second of it. 

"Josh-fuck. I'm gonna come. Holy fucking shit. Right there!" Brendon was moaning so loud and Josh took him down even farther just as the climax began and Josh continued sucking until Brendon had rode out his ecstacy. 

Before Josh had a chance to realize what was happening, Brendon had removed all of Josh's clothing and had begun to return the favor. Josh loved seeing Brendon like that. Red, wet, puffy lips and his eyes so fucking glossy it was sinful. "Yes, Brendon, God.. don't.. don't stop."

"You wanna fuck me Joshie?" and yes he did. Josh flipped Brendon over on his stomach and grabbed a condom and some lube from the nightstand. Josh knew Brendon always prepped before going to a party in case he decided to pull and he had never been so thankful in his life. Josh poured the lube around his dick and slid into Brendon slowly.

The thrusts were hard and needy, his fingers digging into Brendons hips as they shared moans and heavy breathing. After a few good thrusts Josh was pouring hot liquid into the condom, staying inside Brendon for as long as he could. 

Finally, he pulled out slowly and kissed Brendon on the shoulder blade. He tossed the condom into the waste basket beside the bed. They laid in silence for a few seconds before a knock was on their dorm door. They both went a little wide eyed, totally blissed out and looked at each other. Finally, Brendon took one for the team and threw on his boxers and went to the door. Josh was trying to throw some clothes on too and when he saw Tyler on the outside of the doorway, well, Josh felt ill. 

"Can I help you with something?" Brendon was super confused as to who this boy was, but he knew he saw him with Josh earlier and was most likely the root of the problem. 

"Um, I was just gonna see if Josh was here but I, uh.." Tyler couldn't even form a full sentence at the sight of Josh and Brendon. 

"Yeah, well, we just finished a really nice fuck so he's not decent. Try later." Brendon slammed the door and came back to cuddle with Josh. "You don't have to say anything, but I know he's what's bothering you. Now come here and cuddle me before I regret it. We'll talk feelings when we're sober."


	2. Hear Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves!  
> This is probably going to be the shortest chapter of the series, mostly because it's filler with just a little bit of what we need for the main storyline.  
> I just really wanted to get something posted this weekend so I can get to the good stuff next week. So if I can keep this schedule I'll be posting twice a week!
> 
> Okay, that's all. Enjoy<3

Morning came way faster than Josh would have liked, though it usually did. He was still wrapped up in Brendon as the events from the previous night played through his head. He didn't want to hate Tyler anymore, God knows he didn't want to, but it was too late. What was done was done and it couldn't be taken back. 

Brendon stirred as he woke up and rolled over to face Josh. "Not that I don't enjoy cuddling you and your manly body, but we've got shit to discuss." 

"Yeah." huffed Josh. "I guess so." Josh lifted himself off the bed and went to shower and brush his teeth, Brendon following suit. 

As Josh was rinsing his hair, he was hoping the other boy would let it go but Brendon spoke up, mouth full of toothpaste, "So, talk."

Josh sighed heavily trying to figure out what he was supposed to say exactly. He didn't want to live in the past, but he couldn't give Brendon the whole story without revealing parts of him he wanted left out. It's like opening old wounds and everyone knows that causes nothing but pain. Not to mention Brendon would probably kill Tyler within minutes if he knew the half. 

"I don't know what you want me to say, Bren. What happened with me and Tyler is in the past." He squirted more shampoo into his hair. "It is what it is."

"That's bull shit and you know it. You're trying to get out of telling me to avoid dealing with the problem. Sorry, Joshua but I'm not giving this up. I know we said we were doing this sober, but that isn't going to work. We're getting high as fuck when you're done. I'll be in the room." Brendon didn't wait for an answer from Josh before exiting the room. This day couldn't be over fast enough.

 

Josh went back to the bedroom, hair still wet, to find Brendon sitting in the floor, already smoking and as usual a huge smile across his face. That was his favorite thing about Brendon, he was always smiling no matter what life rolled his way. Josh rolled his eyes and smiled back as he slid down to the floor beside his best friend. This has been their routine for a few years now. You could say smoking was their past time of sorts.

 

"I just want you to know, this is the most depressing high we'll ever have." Joked Josh as he began to fidget with his hands. "Like, the whole story is just shit. I'm not doing that today or ever probably, but I'll give you what you need to know, deal?"

"Dude, I'm king of the fucking clouds right now. Nobody can drag me down." giggled Brendon. "Well, you can. You probably can. This is tough stuff, right?"

Josh nodded and tried to pretend he didn't get the One Direction reference. He knew where this was going but he just decided to let it out without letting it all out because some of his past was just better left alone. So, he accepted the joint from Brendon and waited for the high to set in before they started. 

"Okay, so. I'm going to just ramble it out. Don't ask questions 'til the end cause if I stop I may not start back. Capiche?" Offered Josh and Brendon shrugged in agreement, eyes glazing over from the high. 

"I had known Tyler my whole life. He grew up two houses down from me, so we were always together. We were practically inseparable." Josh began to pick the skin around his nails to keep focused on the words and not the memories. "We would ride our tricycles together as kids, for fucks sake. We even had plans to start a band at one point. Like, we really thought we would be 'friends 'til the end' but.." Josh laughed. It had to be the weed, but even he couldn't help but find the irony in his words. Best friends forever? They couldn't even survive high school. "Then high school happened. We tried to stay close but we weren't the same people we were. We went our separate ways after one night and nothing was the same. He was caught up in church stuff and I just couldn't be the person he thought I was. Actually, Beebo, there's a lot of dark shit that happened during that time and it's over now, okay? I really can't talk about this. Not that I don't want to tell you, I just can't. Not yet." 

Brendon simply grabbed Joshs' hand and entwined their fingers as he laid his head over on the boy. Josh would be okay. As long as he had Brendon, he was okay.

-

Josh stayed in his room for the better part of the day after that and only came out because he really, really, wanted some Taco Bell and some alone time. Fortunately for Josh, the fast food joint was twenty minutes away from his dorm and gave him plenty enough time to just think. 

Blasting his radio, he drummed along to the beats on his steering wheel. The rain had started to pour but he didn't care. He had always found it weirdly therapeutic to watch it fall as the streams rolled down the window. Even as a teenager he would climb onto his roof some nights and just let the rain soak his bones. Normally, Josh wouldn't spare a second glance to someone walking down the street, but at the rate the rain was falling outside he couldn't help but notice a man trying to find refuge from the storm. He felt kind of sorry for the guy trying to block the rain with only his thin jacket. In a split second, Josh made the decision to ask the guy if he needed a lift, not seeming to remember all those 'stranger danger' talks as a child.  
He slowed down and pulled to the sidewalk a few feet away from the person and rolled the window down slightly as the male got closer.

"Hey man! Do you need a ride?" Josh yelled from the driver seat.

The man jogged over to the car and raised his hood slightly to see. Both of them went completely wide eyed because of course it had to be Tyler. Of fucking course. Josh wasn't one to go back on his deals, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to drive off and leave Tyler to get pneumonia. Tyler made no effort to get in the car though; he just stood there staring at Josh like a scared deer. 

"Dude, just get in, I'm not going to murder you or anything." remarked Josh. He needed some good karma points anyway and sue him if he wanted to help even if it was him. 

Tyler barely made a noticeable nod before opening the door and jumping in. Josh took a minute to look him over and felt sorry for him once again. He was completely soaked and shaking. Without hesitation, Josh turned on the heat just enough to warm him up. Maybe pneumonia was a step too far. 

"I, um, thank you." whispered Tyler, removing the hood from his head. 

"Let's gets one thing straight before I even drive off. You and I obviously have a past. I had to make peace with it a long time ago and I'm really not interested in being your friend. I'm really not interested in being around you much at all, but I will however be civil and nice to avoid making this college experience completely shit." Josh took a look at Tyler and felt a pain of guilt in his gut but ignored it. Josh usually wasn't the type of person to just be a douche, but it can't say it wasn't deserved. Tyler was defeated, and he knew it, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Calmly he started back, "So, no need to thank me, but you're welcome. You hungry?" 

Tyler shook his head. He didn't have an appetite plus he was sure Josh already hated his very existence much less have to spend more time than necessary together. He was just grateful to be out of the rain. 

"You sure? I'm going to Taco Bell anyway and I know it's your favorite. Or was. I don't know." Josh tried to offer again. It's weird when someone who knows all your secrets is sitting next to you but you're as good as strangers. 

"I don't want to bother you." said Tyler. "I'm just grateful to be out of the rain."

"It's not a bother. I'm going anyway, so let's just eat, yeah?" Josh didn't know what was making him suddenly be nice to Tyler when he could have just left it alone, but it was hard to not want to fall back into his rotation. Tyler used to know him better than anyone else, Brendon included. "Besides. You wanted to catch up before, right?"

"Okay, yeah." smiles Tyler. He would take any spark of kindness at this point from Josh. "I'd like that."

They decided to go through the drive thru and eat in the car because neither of them wanted to get wet or in Tyler's case more wet. Once they paid for the food and received their chalupas and Baja Blast they pulled into the parking space and turned off the engine.

They ate in silence for the most part, both of them awkwardly trying to come up with conversation. Neither of them really knew what to say so it was just uncomfortable silence at best. It actually shocked Josh when Tyler was the first to break the silence. 

"So, uh, is Brendon your boyfriend?" He asked. Josh could practically see the nervousness radiating off of Tyler. 

"No, but I'm still gay if that's why you're asking. Brendon's just my best friend. We hook up on the side. Maybe not on the side. It happens a lot. I dunno. We have a weird connection or something." Josh tried not to be irritated at the question, knowing where it was coming from. 

"I didn't mean it like that, Josh. I don't care that you're.. you know, gay. It's fine. I just didn't know what he was to you after what I saw last night." Tyler told him. 

Josh had almost forgot about Tyler seeing the aftermath of his and Brendon's latest tension release but that's what he gets for following him. Especially after a fight. 

"Saying the word gay isn't going to make God come cast you straight to Hell, Tyler. You can say it without cringing." retaliated Josh, clearly frustrated but trying to remain civil. He knew Tyler was raised as a man of God but that didn't give him a right to judge his life. 

"I know." Tylers reply was barely even audible. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything." 

"Don't. Don't even go there." Josh took a drink from his cup. "How about we finish and we can go back to the dorms? I've still got some stuff to do."

Tyler knew that was Joshs way of trying to politely say he wanted out of his presence but it didn't make the sting hurt any less. So, when they got back, they simply parted ways with nothing more than a wave goodbye. 

Tyler realized once he was standing at his door, he left his keys on his desk and groaned as he hit his head against the thick wood. "Patrick! Please tell me you're in there."  
Silence. He took out his phone and dialed the ten digits to get Patrick and it went straight to voicemail. Typical day in the life of Tyler Joseph. 

Tyler really didn't want to go to Josh again after he saved him from the monsoon happening outside and gave him food earlier, but he really didn't know when Patrick would come back and he didn't want to sit in the hallway for hours either. He almost immediately regretted the decision to walk a few rooms down when it was Brendon who opened the door. 

"You again? Seriously?" He asked.

Tyler was silent at first, unsure of what to say, but before he could open his mouth to speak he heard Josh.  
"It's okay, Beebo. Let him in." 

Brendon stepped aside, giving Josh a questionable look, and motioned his hand into a wave to let Tyler inside the threshold. Tyler slide by him and stood in front of Josh. 

"Couldn't get enough of me could you, Tyler?" Laughed Josh. 

"Actually, I'm locked out. I'm sorry, I don't know why I came here. I just thought.." he trailed off and forgot his words as he watched Brendon roll another joint. "Are you doing drugs right now?" 

Brendon raised his eyebrows at him, "Firstly, I don't even know you so don't judge me or my extracurricular activities. Second, obviously it's weed and obviously I'm about to light it. Don't ask dumb questions." 

Thankfully Josh intervened. "Brendon, this is Tyler. Tyler, meet Brendon." He said as he collapsed onto his bed. "Feel free to stick around but don't act holier than thou or you can leave." 

 

Tyler nodded. He was good at keeping quiet anyway. He sat down on a chair that was situated beneath the window of the dorm window and Tyler was jealous that somehow their room was much larger than his and Patrick's. Josh was fumbling around on his phone, taking hits with Brendon while Tyler lost himself in the world outside the window. The only thing that broke the silence was the sound of Brendon literally screeching. 

"Holy shit! It's a tarantula!" He shouted as he pulled himself into a fetal position on his bed, pushed up into the corner of the wall.

Josh lept up and stood on the bed to try to see the said spider, but nothing came into view. Shakily, he responded, "What? Where?!"

Brendon pointed to the space beneath Tyler's chair. Josh couldn't see from his point of view but honestly, he was okay with that. Spiders were a secret fear of his. Tyler, however, just positioned himself on the floor until he saw the creature and couldn't help but laugh. He scooped up the spider and placed it in his hands, being sure to be gentle.

"This isn't a tarantula. It's a grand-Daddy long legs." Tyler walked across the room to let it out and Brendon squealed again. 

"What the FUCK are you doing?! Don't touch it! Do you have a death wish?!" Brendon screamed.

"I'm letting it outside. I'm not going to kill it. It's harmless." Tyler laughed the whole way to the door. Until, he opened it that is and realized his girlfriend was in the hallway trying to find him. He didn't want that particular drama just now, so he just tossed the spider out (carefully of course) and closed the door super- fast. Then he felt a pair of arms wrap around his torso causing him to jump. He tilted his head up to see Brendon embracing him. 

"Tyler. You are my hero. My God sent. My savior." Brendon squeezed a little tighter. 

"Seriously, guys. It was just a spider." He said as he nudged his way from Brendon and sat down beside Josh on the bed. "You're afraid of spiders too?"

Josh looked offended and shook his head. "Nope! I just, ya know, I couldn't see it from here." Tyler pretended not to notice the shiver Josh did.

Tyler laughed with a full smile that Josh hadn't seen in years. His laugh was so infectious and pure. Josh had always loved that about him. 

"You're gorgeous, you know that?" Josh spoke probably coming from the high he was experiencing but it was true nonetheless. "It doesn't change my opinion of you, but you are." 

Tyler's smile faltered. He deserved that he guessed. 

Almost as if Patrick knew Tyler needed to be saved, his phone lit up with a message from his roommate reading 'DORM: SOS'. Thankfully Patrick was back. 

"Hey, thanks for letting me chill here and for earlier and just…yeah." He said climbing off the bed. 

"No problem, Ty-guy. See ya around." Josh didn't even make an effort to see the boy out just took another long drag from Brendon's joint. Tyler would be lying if he said he hadn't missed Josh.

-

Tyler heard the voice before he even opened the door to his room and for a split second he debated on turning back and running for the hills but he knew he'd just live to regret it later. He turned the handle and let out a deep breath ready to face it.

"Where have you been, Tyler?! I've been looking everywhere for you. You didn't even answer your phone!" His girlfriend, Jenna, yelled at him. 

"Er, Sorry. I was with some friends and I didn't really look at it." He lied, but not feeling any guilt. He looked over at Patrick and Patrick gave him sad eyes. 

"Friends? Who? We haven't even started classes." She crossed her arms across her chest and shifted her weight to one side. She was definitely pissed.

"Josh, actually. Josh Dun, remember him? We went to school together. His dorm is a few down. We were catching up." Tyler moved his way over to his own bed not really feeling like giving her anymore of an explanation, not that she needed one. He wanted peace.

"The gay one? You blew me off for-" she started but Tyler interrupted before she could finish. He knew he didn't like where she was going. 

"Yes. Him. If you don't mind, I'm pretty tired so are you done here?" He was irritable, tired, and just done with her for today.

"Whatever, Tyler." She stormed out of the room with a slam of the door following suit. They'd make up tomorrow. They always did.

Tyler had met Jenna his sophomore year and they hit it off as friends right away. Mostly because they were both involved in the church and eventually, their senior year rolled around, and they started dating. Tyler wasn't sure if it was out of convenience or just because they're parents practically forced it upon them, but either way here they are. 

"Sorry about that man. I didn't know if I was supposed to let her in or not but she just kind of forced herself inside. She's fiesty." Patrick laughed. Tyler hadn't really heard him speak much until then but at least it broke the ice.

"Nah, man, its fine. All is well." Tyler replied, sending him a friendly smile. 

Patrick returned the gesture and placed his headphones over his ears as he crawled into his bed on his side of the room. Tyler took that as his cue to pull out his notebook, write his thoughts down, and hopefully get some rest tonight. And if he dreams of a boy with blue hair then nobody has to know. 

 

Words of mine  
Words of yours  
Confusing rhymes  
And confusing wars

Between words of love  
And words of hate  
Wars of dreams  
And wars of vain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading<3  
> This song title is from No Phun Intended.  
> Again, sorry for the filler chapter, but I wanted to establish some relationship and I promise it gets so much better from here on out.   
> All the love,  
> D.


	3. Pray For The Wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I'm sorry this chapter took me longer to update than normal.  
> I'm in the process of moving and it's been hectic!  
> Also, thank you to everyone who leaves love on this fic; it means the world to me. <3  
> This is mostly filler, but it does have a few key points needed for later on.
> 
> Without further ado, here is chapter three!  
> <3

Tyler was really starting to regret the decision he promised his parents he'd still come to church as often as he could. Especially now that it was Saturday evening and he would have to go tomorrow. It's not that he disliked his church, it was just that they were still very old school in their beliefs and Tyler's parents were the definition of devoted. 

He didn't used to mind going; he even felt like he belonged there once. Josh and his family went there too once upon a time and it made the services tolerable. The boys would sit near the back of the church together, ignoring half of the sermon. Now, all he had to look forward to were the usual questions of, 'when are you and Jenna gonna get married, Tyler?', and honestly he didn't know how to answer. He loved Jenna, but he didn't think he was in love with her. He thought love would be like the movies and you'd just know. He definitely didn't know with Jenna. He was just kind of hoping it would finally click. 

Patrick was out again, nothing new there. He had probably found some party to go to or maybe was out with his girlfriend. Tyler wasn't invited this time, so it was most likely the latter. Part of him wanted to see Josh again, but he wasn't sure if he even had the right to ask him to hang out. Tyler wasn't exactly his favorite person, but he really wanted to have his best friend back. After debating over it for a few minutes he decided the worst thing he could say was no, Tyler decided he'd march down to the boys' dorm and ask Josh to hang out. Just like old times. He could do this. 

Hesitantly, he knocked on the door and waited for someone to open it. 

The door flew open and a haze of smoke rolled out of the room. Tyler choked back a cough and fanned away the odor with his hands. Tyler knew by the smell and the state of the room Josh and Brendon were most likely high. He was learning this was definitely not a rare occurrence. 

"Hey Ty-guy!" Josh exclaimed. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering. I know that we're not friends, but I want to try to be and you can say no…" he realized he was rambling and Josh was struggling to keep up. "Do you maybe want to hangout today? Please?" 

"Do I get to choose what we do?" Josh ran his fingers through his hair do get it away from his eyes, grinning slightly at Tyler. 

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want to do." He almost instantly regretted that answer.

"Then come inside my humble abode, Mr. Joseph." Josh pulled him by the wrist inside the door, almost causing Tyler to trip at the force. Josh made his way to his bed, dragging Tyler along too. Tyler was wondering what he was going to do and honestly, he was beginning to sweat with anxiety. It wasn't until they had sat down that Tyler even noticed Brendon was on his own bed, lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Completely lost in his own world. 

"So, what did you have in mind?" Tyler asked, watching Josh get up from the bed and working his way to the dresser across them. He was prepared for something like a movie or going back to Taco Bell. The usual friend stuff. 

"Have you ever smoked, Tyler?" he asked, a grin forming across his face, knowing full well that Tyler had never even been around weed until the last few days with Josh. Tyler had not been prepared for this. 

"Uh, no. No. I can't say I have. Why?" He was tapping his fingers across his thighs trying to stay calm on the outside, not that it was working. It mostly just drew more attention to himself. 

Brendon shot up at the answer, excited, eyes darting straight for Josh. They gave each other a silent agreement and it was then that Tyler knew today was going the exact opposite of what he had thought. 

"Oh, Tyler. This is going to be so much fun." Brendon told him as he joined Josh beside the dresser, getting all the things ready that they needed. 

 

Tyler felt the same familiar pain in his gut. He knew he wasn't supposed to be involved in drugs, no matter how herbal, but something told him this was his chance to hang out with Josh and he wasn't going to tell him no. If it took a little bit of weed to do so, then nobody else had to know. Besides, Tyler was grown and could make his own decisions. He sat patiently and watched as the other two boys took a long drag from the drug but neither of them motioned for Tyler to start. 

Josh looked at Brendon as he inhaled and watched as his lungs expanded with the draw. Brendon opened his eyes, held his breath, and made a look at Josh. Tyler wasn't sure what we he was witnessing, but he felt oddly uncomfortable when he saw Brendon get close to Joshs' lips, Josh allowing the smoke to flow easily into his own mouth. 

Josh glanced at Tyler over his shoulder looking like he had seen a ghost. He was almost pale, eyes wide, and his mouth slightly agape. He was sure he had never seen him like this before in his life. 

"What's the matter Tyler? Never seen two guys shotgun before?" He laughed and came beside Tyler with the joint in his hand. 

"I've never seen any of this before." Tyler mumbled the words under his breath and made a silent prayer that God would forgive him for whatever came out of this day. At least he could pray for forgiveness again tomorrow at church. 

Brendon almost ran over to the boy and crawled into his lap. Josh knew it was to make Tyler uncomfortable, but he was laughing so hard at the sight of Brendon on Tyler's lap and Tyler's look of pure shock he couldn't bring himself to care. Josh didn't know how far Brendon was going to take this, but he'd intervene later. 

"Don't worry, Ty, we won't leave you out. I'm going to breath in the smoke, okay? You just keep your lips parted and I'll blow it into your mouth. It'll be the easiest way to get you used to it the inhale." Brendon told him, situating himself in the boys' lap to be facing him directly with his legs wrapped on either side. 

Josh could tell how tense Tyler was, but he had to give him credit for not letting it show too much. If Josh hadn't known him so long he honestly wouldn't have caught on to it either. 

Brendon took the joint into his mouth again and inhaled deeply. Brendon nodded to the boy letting him know it was time to open. Tyler swallowed hard, his mouth dry, and parted his lips ever so slightly. Tyler almost jumped out of his skin when he felt Brendon's lips brush his own and the smoke filled his mouth. He tried to inhale, but it got the best of him and he fell into a coughing fit. 

"Er, Sorry." He choked out between coughs. Tyler was actually blushing. Josh didn't know if it was from embarrassment or because of Brendon getting closer than need be. Either way, Josh loved the scene in front of him.

Brendon and Josh were in a fit of laughter. It had been awhile since the pair watched someone take their first hit and get the 'beginner cough' as they liked to call it. 

"Don't worry about it, Tyjo. Happens to everyone the first time." Josh told him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "You can probably handle it better now." 

Brendon's phone went off and he tried to read the message. "I hate to cut this short boys but Beebo has places to be." He leaned in and gave Josh a peck on the cheek and began out the door. Seconds later the door opened back up and he shouted in, "Thanks for letting me kiss ya Ty-guy!" He sent Tyler a final wink and was gone. The door slammed shut again and it was just Tyler and Josh left in the smoke haze. Josh handed Tyler what was left of the joint and Tyler shook his head no. 

"It's not so bad once you get used to it. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to though." He took the joint back and breathed in the last of it. "Do you want to play a game or something?"

"A game? Like what?" Tyler shifted himself to sitting more up right, leaning his back against the bed frame.

"Remember that game we used to play? What was it called? Something about lies and truth." Josh was feeling the high set in and truthfully, it's probably why he even brought it all up. 

"Lie to me. The one where you're supposed to say a statement, and everyone guesses if it's true or not?" Asked Tyler, taking in the sight of Josh sprawled out on the bed.

"Yeah! That one." He giggled. "Let's play. You start."

"Okay. Once I found an abandoned treehouse and didn't tell anyone for weeks that I was sneaking there to stay every night." Tyler felt the bed shift as Josh lifted himself onto his arms. 

"Lie. You did tell someone about it. You told me. It was in the woods behind the park we used to go to." Josh had a hint of sadness in his voice, but neither of them commented on it. 

"You remember that?" Tyler tilted his head to the side and laughed. "It had been so long I wasn't even sure it was real." 

"Not real? Really? You spent every night there for months." Josh was beginning to laugh now at the memory. He remembered the first time Tyler told him about it. He practically had to drag Josh there every evening so he wouldn't be alone. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Your turn." 

"Let's see. I got suspended once for breaking this dudes nose." Josh sat himself completely up on the bed, throwing in a good fake punch for effect. 

"Lie. You couldn't hurt someone if you wanted to." He watched as Josh situated himself on the bed, trying hard not to laugh at the awful punch. 

"Ah, you're wrong there. It was true. It was within a week of me starting that new school too." The smile fell from his face. "He was a real jerk though. Brendon watched the whole thing, you can ask him."

Tyler didn't say anything after that. He wasn't sure what to say because the Josh he knew wouldn't have ever punched anybody. Not that he minded, it just proved how far apart they had grown.

"You can sit on the bed beside, ya know? You don't have to sit at the edge. I don't bite." Josh told him. Tyler didn't reply, he just crawled up to sit more back on bed. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and pulled it out seeing a message from his mother.

'See u at church tmrw. B safe.'

Tyler couldn't control his eyes rolling. He had been dreading it all day. 

"What's wrong? You look disgusted all of a sudden." spoke Josh, giving Tyler a questioning look. 

"Nothing. Just my mom reminding me to make sure I'm at church in the morning. I really thought being at school would give me an excuse to miss but I guess that doesn't work until classes actually start." Tyler was disappointed that he even felt that way toward his church, but he just wanted to be himself for once. Figure out who he was without judgement and college was supposed to be that experience. Maybe he should have went further away to school after all. 

"You still go? I'm not surprised. I haven't been since I moved. Mom used to go occasionally but with her work schedule it didn't happen much." Josh threw the reminents of the joint in the bin and laid back down. 

"Yeah, I've never really missed a day." Then, suddenly, Tyler had an epiphany. "You should go with me! Tomorrow! Don't make me do this alone. Jenna left this morning for a last minute trip with her family and I'll be alone. Well, aside from my family but still." 

"To church? Me? The gay stoner?" Josh laughed uncontrollably. "Tyler even if I agreed, they'd burn me at the stake for just entering." 

"No, they won't. I promise. You can sit with me and they won't mention anything." Tyler gave Josh his best puppy eyes and eventually, he caved. 

"Fine. I'll go. But don't expect this to be an every Sunday occurrence. I lost my faith a long time ago, Ty." 

Tyler didn't know what came over him, but he hugged the boy so hard and quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that."

 

"It's fine, dude." Josh yawned and looked at the time on his phone. "It's getting kinda late though so I'm going to bed if I have to do this. You're welcome to stay here, but Brendon will cuddle you to death." 

"Nah. It's okay. I'll head back. See you tomorrow, Josh. Thank you. Again. Thanks." Tyler waved and made his way back to his dorm. He had definitely missed his best friend. 

\------------//---------------

 

Josh had just finished with his tie when he heard Brendon wolf whistle from behind him. 

"I love the church boy look on you. You look absolutely delicious." Josh stifled a laugh and rolled his eyes. He could always count on Brendon for moral support, or at least a good laugh if nothing else. Well, and sex. Definitely could rely on him for a good time too. 

"Thanks, Beebo. Not really sure the congregation is going to care if I look delicious or not though." He straightened out his pants in the mirror and readjusted his tie for the tenth time. He wanted to at least seem presentable.

"Ah, but see, they don't know how delicious you actually are. If they could just taste-" but Josh cut him off with his hand and the boys erupted in laughter at the all too real joke until a knock came at the dorm door. Josh knew it was Tyler, signaling it was time to go and his nerves had never been more on edge. He honestly didn't know why he agreed to come.

"Hey Tyler! We ready?" Josh grabbed his jacket and waved goodbye to Brendon, who was still smirking. 

"Are you really that nervous?" questioned Tyler. "You look like you could throw up." 

"I'm fine. It's just been a while, ya know?" He tried to ignore the fact they were actually doing this. That it was real. The closer they got to the car the sicker he felt. He knew he was being stupid about the whole situation, but he just had a bad feeling about it. 

"It'll be okay. If you get uncomfortable we can leave at any time. My parents never said I had to stay for the whole service anyway. They just wanted me to show up to keep the good reputation going." Tyler was trying to remain cheerful for the other boy, but it was hard. Tyler was just as nervous as he was, but mostly because he didn't know what to expect.

The arrived at the church within fifteen minutes and neither of them made an effort to exit the vehicle right away. Josh was sweating and trying to keep his breathing under control. He wanted to make a halfway decent impression for his first time back and he was sure a panic attack in the middle of morning prayer wouldn't be it. 

"Well, Josh, it's about to start we should probably go in." spoke Tyler carefully. He didn't want to rush the boy, but he knew they needed to go to avoid the awkward stares for coming in late. 

"Okay. Yeah. I'm ready. Let's do this." He took one final deep breath and they made their way up to the church steps, Tyler looking back once to make sure Josh was still following behind him. 

They entered together, and Josh felt all of the awkwardness at once. He saw all the glances and whispers. He would be stupid to think they were just a coincidence, he knew it was him. He had never been more thankful to have someone with him, even if it was someone he had a rocky past with. Tyler guided him into the pew behind his parents. Thankfully, the church wasn't as full as it normally was so they had the pew to themselves. Josh didn't want to think what it would be like to have some stranger next to him during this.

Finally, the pastor came out and led morning prayer, followed by a few hymns. The boys were quiet and just took in the surroundings, trying not to draw any more unwanted attention. Josh swore the pastor kept staring holes through him anyway. 

"Good Sunday morning, everyone!" the Pastor began. "It's good to be in the house of the Lord this morning."  
Josh spared a look at Tyler, who gave him an assuring nod, letting him know everything would be fine. He hoped so.

"As a leader of this church for many years, I have watched many changes happen in my time. Some of which bring the community together, and some of which drive us apart. What matters most now, is that we all stay on the path of God. I was watching the news this week, and this spoke to me and I felt beckoned to share it with you all this morning. This week, our country approved same sex marriage."

Josh had never felt more disgusted in his existence. Of all days that he would come to church, this would be the topic of conversation. This would of course be the sermon. He felt his mouth go dry as he heard a few grunts of revolts from the congregation. He felt Tyler lean closer to him and whispered, "I know we said we'd go if you felt uncomfortable and I totally understand that. Just give it a few minutes so we don't draw attention to you, okay? Otherwise they'll all know why you left."

All Josh could do was nod.

"I would like to recite 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 with you today.  
**'Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.'**  
You see, it is a sin in the eyes of God. They will not make it into the kingdom of Heaven….."

Josh didn't listen to another word. He completely tuned them out only hearing the occasional shout of agreement with whatever bullshit the pastor was spitting. If there was a God, Josh doesn't think he would approve of treating people this way. What happened to love thy neighbor anyway?

Josh had successfully lost himself in his thoughts again, only to be pulled away by Tyler shaking his arm. "You ready? It's over. We can go now before my parents try to force me into dinner."

Josh didn't waste a second of getting out of the pew and following side by side to Tyler right out the doors. He was almost thankful for the fresh air, if an elderly woman didn't stop him at the steps.

"Hi, Josh, right? I'm not sure you remember me. I used to help your mother. How is she?" the lady asked Josh, her name still not coming to him.

"Yeah, she's great. She's doing really well." He put his hands inside his pocket and tried to search for Tyler who had to been stopped by his own parents.

"Shame she left the church. I don't blame her much though. I'm surprised you had to confidence to come back. After everything that happened." She gave Josh an almost evil smile. "I suppose it may not be too late for you after all."

"Excuse me?" He tried to confront her but the lady had already began walking off and he decided he didn't need to start a scene here. Not now.

As if on que, Tyler came walking up to him. He knew Tyler didn't plan for this to happen, but he still felt the want to blame him. Old habits die hard.

"What was that about?" questioned Tyler as they crawled inside the vehicle.

"She told me she was surprised I even showed my face back there." Josh wiped a tear from his eye before it could fall out. He didn't want to cry. "This is why I don't go to church, Tyler."

Tyler was speechless. "I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know this was going to happen. The sermon or any of it. I thought it would be a normal sermon where everyone fights to stay awake and pretends to care."

"Yeah, well. Let's just drop it, okay?" 

Tyler nodded and the two drove away back to campus without speaking another word.


	4. Sunnyland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> Here is chapter four and things finally start picking up!  
> This has some slight homophobic thoughts/mentions but nothing major.   
> I want to pre-apologize that my updating may get slower. I have a trip next weekend and moving is going to be the death of me. I promise to still try to update at least weekly!  
> Also, I can't believe all the love you guys have already shown this. You're the best!  
> <3

"It was absolutely awful, Brendon. The whole fucking sermon was just a big homophobic rant." He sighed and threw off his shoes, not caring that they hit the wall a little harder than necessary.

"Why didn't you just leave?" Brendon joined Josh on his bed, curling up beside him, ready for the cuddle that was destined to happen sooner rather than later.

"Tyler said it would just draw more unwanted attention to me." He wrapped his arms around his friend trying to get to a more comfortable position. "I guess he was right. He tried to apologize to me, but I'm so sick of hearing those words from him. Every time we see each other he apologizes for something."

"Maybe that should tell you something. You shouldn't be with someone who is constantly having to apologize for their actions." He just shrugged it off.

Josh couldn't help but feel guilty for blaming Tyler. He knew he had no idea that particular sermon would be preached that particular day, but it still made him feel sick. If he hadn't shown back up in his life none of this would be an issue. Then again, Josh just as easily came back to Columbus, so he was just as much to blame. He should have known that going to church with him would be a disaster. 

"Want me to take your mind off of it?" offered Brendon as he tilted his head up to reach Josh's blue hair and rake his fingers through it.

Sue Josh for giving into temptation, but damn if Brendon wasn't enticing and willing he would have more will power to deny him. He leaned down and connected their lips in a collision of need, running his fingers down Brendon's torso and slowly discarding him of his shirt. Brendon pulled away from the kiss, only momentarily to return the gesture to Josh and he pushed him back on the bed, crawling on top of him. 

Josh moaned loud, not caring if anyone heard them as Brendon slipped his tongue into his mouth. He bucked his hips, needing to feel friction, and he swears he could come at the thought of all the sinful things Brendon could do to him at any moment. 

Brendon moved his lips down the boys' chest, biting just enough to leave dark marks on his skin. Josh whimpered, throwing his head back into the pillow. Josh's cock was throbbing and was desperate to be released from his clothes. Brendon knew that he was painfully hard at this point, so he began to unbutton his jeans and dragging down his pants and boxers. Suddenly Josh felt the heat and wetness of Brendon's' tongue licking the underside of his cock, then teasing the head with little flicks.

"Fuck- "cried out Josh. He felt like he could explode when he Brendon closed his lips completely around his member. He wanted to buck his hips, but he was careful to remain still as Brendon continued to suck him, the wetness and the warmth becoming too much.

"You like that, Joshie baby?" smirked Brendon. His lips were swollen and red and just fucking hot. "You like when I do this?"

He swirled his tongue around the head and Josh had to pull Brendon off to prevent him from finishing too soon. Brendon chewed on his lip and started removing his own clothes while Josh grabbed the lube and condoms from the bedside drawer.  
"You better fuck me hard, Dun." Brendon demanded as Josh squirted the lube in his hand to begin prepping him. Brendon was writhing in front of him as his pushed one finger in, moving it slowly not to hurt him. After Brendon was finally prepped and ready, Josh slid on his condom and situated himself up on his knees.

"How do you want me?" asked Brendon.

"On your back. I want to see how fucking hot you look when you come." Brendon didn't have to be told twice. He lifted his legs up and spread them out for Josh. 

Josh lubed up once more before sinking into Brendon. He felt Brendon tense up at the expansion, but finally he gave Josh a nod to move again and he began to pick up a quicker pace. 

"Holy shit. Fuck-fuck-fuck…" Brendon practically screamed out for Josh. He wrapped his arms around Josh's back, dragging his fingernails as he cried out. "Yes, Josh right fucking there!"

Josh's pace quickened, and the only noises were the combined moans and mixed profanities. Before long, Josh was grabbing Brendon's dick, pumping him hard, making him come undone as he rode it out. Seconds later, Josh was spilling into Brendon and slowing down the thrusts.

He carefully removed himself out of the boy and tossed his condom in the bin. He gave Brendon a quick kiss on the head before laying down beside him, not caring he was still covered in their stickiness.  
"Oh, Joshie. You never disappoint me." Brendon looked at him with pure ecstasy on his face. "Too bad classes start tomorrow, or we could just do this every day for the remainder of the semester. How to fuck like a pro 101. Professors Urie and Dun at your service."

Josh laughed and shoved Brendon off of him. "You're such a perv. I'm going to shower now."

"Room for one more?" asked Brendon.

"There's always room for more."

 

\----------//----------

Josh absolutely hated school of any sort. He hated waking up early, the lectures, the work, the studying at all hours of the night for a chance at passing. If it wasn't for his mother forcing him here to make something of himself, he wouldn't have been here. He would have completed content on working at the music shop the rest of his life. 

Still, somehow, having an 8am class on Monday morning was how he was spending his time. The irony wasn't lost upon him. Seriously, nobody should have to be awake before noon. It should be a law or something. 

He walked into his creative writing class, scanning the room for a vacant seat near the back which thankfully hadn't been taken. The desks were set up in two's so that was new, but maybe he wouldn't have to deal with anyone. He just wanted to be left alone until he was more awake and much less grouchy.

He watched as the students began piling in, one by one, and none of them really glanced his direction. Not that he minded in the least. He started digging through his backpack for his notebook and pens when he saw the familiar figure take the seat next to him.

"Hey there, Jishwa." The brunet spoke, sliding his bags contents on the table. 

"You have early as fuck creative writing too?" He was so tired he didn't even care to try to watch his mouth around Tyler. He didn't know if it would offend the church boy, but he really didn't care.

"Yeah. I don't really sleep anyway so I figured I'd knock it out." Josh shrugged him off and laid his head down on the desk. They had a few minutes until class officially started so he wanted to rest. 

"I value my sleep. I hate mornings so much." Josh realized he really should invest in a coffee maker soon if he was supposed to do this every week. 

Just in time, the Professor walked in, saving Josh from having to function enough to have a conversation. 

"Welcome, class. My name is Professor Donovan. I would start off with introductions, but let's be honest, we'll know each other enough by the end of the course." The man shuffled his briefcase down beside the desk, almost spilling his coffee in the process. "However, this is creative writing, so your first assignment is going to be writing a piece on your partner. I want you to get to know your partner, write things about themselves they don't even notice. That's going to be our introductory. Of course, you can't pick your own partners, that would be too easy, so I hope you all enjoy where you're sitting. Surely you noticed the seats are in pairs, right? Say hello to your partners."

Josh hated life. The universe was most definitely cursing him now if it wasn't before. He lifted his head at Tyler and gave him a shrug of agreement. Tyler seemed to be a little happier about the arrangement. 

"You have exactly a month from today to finish and turn it in. What are you waiting for? Get to know each other!" 

The classroom became a symphony of groans and various sighs, but the professor didn't seem to be phased. What kind of assignment was this anyway? 

"I feel like we have an advantage since we've known each other forever." Tyler was trying to make things less awkward, but the cruel reality was they didn't know each other anymore. Not even a little bit. 

"I guess so." He watched Tyler's face drop and he almost instantly felt bad for being so short. "I'm sorry. I hate being awake at this hour without caffeine." Josh mumbled.

"It's okay." Tyler didn't say anything else. Josh just watched him take out his notebook and jot down a few sentences that he couldn't read from his point of view. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the class was over. Josh didn't even stick around to say goodbye to Tyler; he practically ran out of there, and he would have kept running too if he didn't run straight into Brendon. 

"Woah, Dun. Where are you going?" Brendon steadied Josh by his shoulders and making him have eye contact.

"Creative writing at 8am was a bad idea, even worse with Tyler in it, and now he's my partner and-" Brendon shut him up with an overly dramatic eye roll. 

"You're rambling about Tyler again. Be like Elsa and let it go. We'll get you some caffeine, yeah?" He offered.

Josh didn't see Tyler walk up behind him, but he was there as soon as he turned to walk away with Brendon. He was just hoping he didn't hear their conversation.

"Hey guys, I meant to tell you earlier and forgot but Patrick's friend is having a small party at their frat tonight and he said I could invite whoever. So, consider yourselves invited." Tyler told them. 

Brendon practically exploded with excitement. "Hear that, Joshie? We have a party to attend!"

"Awesome, what time should we come?" inquired Josh.

"You guys can come with me and Patrick. We're going over around nine I think. Just come to my room and we'll go." 

"See you then!" Brendon waved to Tyler and turned to Josh. "Now, let's get you a nap so you can party your ass off with me tonight. This school needs some of our dynamic duo."

\-----------------//-------------

 

Josh spent the better part of the evening with Brendon getting ready for the party. Josh wasn't as into looks as Brendon, but having him as a best friend meant he would be personally styled by him before leaving for any gathering. Sometimes it came in handy.

"We look hot. Seriously, this frat party isn't ready for us." Brendon spoke, fixing his hair in the mirror, making sure it was perfect. 

Josh laughed it off and pulled on his shoes. "You ready to go yet? We have to meet them in a couple minutes."

Six more times of Brendon glancing himself over in the mirror and they were finally leaving to meet Tyler and Patrick. Josh knocked on their door and was taken back when none other than Jenna Black opened the door.

"Josh? I didn't know you were coming." She said. "Who are you?" She asked glancing over at Brendon.

"I'm your eye candy for the night, doll. Name's Brendon." He winked at her and she was visibly disgusted.

She walked away leaving the door open, so the pair decided to follow her in. "That's Jenna. I went to school with her too." He whispered to him. "She's Tyler's friend."

"Girlfriend." She said a little louder than necessary.

"I'm sorry?" Josh asked. He wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"I'm not Tyler's friend. I'm his girlfriend. At least give him correct information if you're going to whisper about me with me in the room." She was irritated at this point and so honestly so was Josh. Tyler never mentioned her. Not once.

Tyler emerged from the bathroom with a strained grin on his face. "Hey guys! Pat went ahead to help Pete so it's just us if you're ready."

"Hell yeah! Let's party!" Brendon cheered. Josh was definitely going to get wasted tonight. 

The walk to the frat was short, not even five minutes, but it was the longest five minutes of his life. He had to watch Tyler and Jenna act so couple-like and it was hard to see. Not because Josh was jealous, but because it was so painful to watch Tyler be so miserable nobody else could see it. 

Tyler rang the doorbell to the frat house and Pete opened it looking absolutely wrecked already. 

"My peeps!" He shouted. "Come in, the more the merrier!" 

Josh brushed his way by the guy and headed straight for the bar, not caring he left the rest of the gang behind. 

A few drinks in, he had lost Brendon and hadn't saw Tyler again after they entered. He decided to go out on the patio for some cool air away from the heat of the house. As he made his way outside he noticed the stars. So, he decided to lay down in the grass, flat on his back, and watch the world pass him by. 

Josh thought about when he used to want to be an astronaut. He wanted to lose himself amongst the stars and just be. Just live and watch the world from a new point of view. He knew now that wasn't how it worked, but he was still a huge space fan. 

"Want some company?" Tyler asked, a small smile formed on his mouth as he sat beside Josh.

"Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend or something? Not outside with the 'bad influence.'" The venom in his words not lacking. He had overheard Jenna use that exact phrase on the way over.

"You heard that, huh?" Tyler frowned. "I was hoping she talked low enough to not be heard. You know I'm not like that, right? Like, I don't judge you for anything."

"You know what I think?" Josh asked, feeling the effects of the alcohol in his veins. "I think it's all bullshit. Come here if you're going to stay. Lay down and do it properly."

Tyler did as he was asked and laid down beside Josh, shoulder to shoulder, glaring up at the night sky.

"You see all these stars? They're infinite. They're so far away and there's still so many more we don't see. Why should I care about what happens here when we're so small in the grand scheme of things? We don't matter. Nothing matters. I don't matter." Josh started to whisper more by the end.

"Everything matters. Everything is affected by something in one way or another." Tyler responded, gazing into the night sky trying to see it the same way as Josh.

"We're all going to be forgotten, though. Nothing is infinite like the galaxy, you know? Friends, family, relationships, they all end. Everything ends. My problems are nothing in the infinite rotation of the world. My world can come crushing down, as it has many times, mind you, but the sun still rises the next day. The earth doesn't get shifted off its axis. None of my problems actually matter."

"They matter to me. So do you." Tyler whispered, barely audible.

Josh turned his face to look at Tyler. They were so close, inches apart, and Josh felt every feeling he ever had come back for Tyler. He knew it was wrong to want him when all he did was ruin his life, but it was _Tyler._

He wanted to kiss him so badly. So fucking badly, but Brendon was interrupting them before anything had the chance to happen. He decided he was grateful for the interruption. That's the last thing he needed to do. 

"I've been looking everywhere for you two. C'mon we're playing truth or dare!" 

The pair followed Brendon inside the house and sat down with the few other guests who were in a circle ready to play. Josh mostly recognized them all. There were Pete, Patrick, Brendon, Jenna, Ashley, and another male he wasn't sure of his name but had seen him around a few times. 

"Are we really going back to middle school games?" asked Jenna, positioning herself to be closer to Tyler. 

"Yes. We are. Because everyone knows drunk truth or dare is way more fun." Retorted Brendon. "Alright, who wants to go first?"

Everyone just sat there, nobody even lifted a hand to volunteer. 

"Fine, I'll pick." Brendon started. "Josh, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Spoilsport. You're no fun. Anyway, we'll start easy on you. Is it true….that you only came to this school for me?" He asked, taking another sip from the bottle beside him. 

"No, you asshole. It just sounds like that. I only stepped foot back in this shit hole because you basically drug me back here so you wouldn't be alone. What was the speech you used on me? Something about being co-depended?" Josh was beyond wasted but he was okay with it. He needed to relax anyway. Brendon rolled his eyes at the comment and didn't say another word. Josh didn't want to make it obvious to call on Tyler, so he chose Pete. 

"I'll pick truth." Pete said. 

"Okay, who is the prettiest person in the room?" Josh asked. He knew it was cliché, but his alcohol filled brain didn't care.  
"That's easy." Pete slurred. "Patrick here beats you all by a landslide."

Jenna was starting to look annoyed at the game, but Josh was the only one who seemed to notice. Josh was lost in his thoughts about her again until he heard Tylers voice.

"Do what?!" Tyler almost screeched.

"You heard me," Brendon said. "I dared you to kiss Josh."

Josh felt his heart drop to his stomach. This was a sick, cruel, joke.

"That's disgusting!" Jenna piped up. "Tyler's not gay."

"I didn't ask if he was gay, sweetheart, it's a dare." Brendon shot her a go to hell look and Josh swears he saw Tyler fight off a smirk.

Tyler turned toward him, his eyes searching for what to do. Josh didn't want to ruin anything, so he gave him an apologetic nod as an okay to proceed with the dare. It didn't have to be anything spectacular. Just a kiss. He could handle this, him and Brendon did this all the time. 

He watched as Tyler slowly started to lean in towards him. Josh was leaning in as well, but he could feel the nerves in his stomach start to twist. Ever so slightly, he felt the brush of Tyler's lips against his own and as much as his body wanted to give in, Josh's mind couldn't. He pulled away fast, leaping to his feet.

"Sorry. I'm- I've gotta go." Josh spoke and ran out of the frat house, not looking back.


	5. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> I'm sorry it took so long for me to post. I was out of town and busier than expected so I'm just now getting home but I promise I'll not make you wait any longer! (:  
> Also, I don't have a BETA for this so any mistakes are my own until I find someone to help me out. (:  
> Sending all my love,  
> D.
> 
> TW: mentions of previous suicide attempt. Nothing major, but I want you all to be safe<3

It had been exactly 48 hours since anyone had seen Josh. 

Brendon was trying not to worry, really he was, but it wasn't like Josh to run away without a note or a text. He was just gone, and Brendon felt mostly to blame because of that stupid game. Which is exactly why he was standing outside of Tyler's dorm room at two am, banging on the door, praying that he was inside. 

Tyler opened the door with his hair ruffled and confusion written all over his face. "Brendon?"

"The one and only. Look, I know we're not close, but Josh still hasn't come back, and I need help finding him." He was frantic at this point. "He always leaves a note or something and there's nothing and he won't answer my calls. I don't know who else to go to."

"Uh, yeah. Okay. Let me just get dressed." Brendon ran his fingers through his hair and paced the hallway. Brendon knew Josh had a tendency to run off when things went awry but he always, ALWAYS, made sure Brendon knew he'd be okay. Even if it was just a text. Not to mention he had never been gone this long. 

Tyler quietly closed the door behind him and followed Brendon down the hallway to the stairwell.

"Do you have any idea where he might be? Or where to start?" Tyler asked trying to restrain a yawn. 

"I don't know honestly. I thought maybe we'd try some 24 hour places and see if he's there. It's better than nothing, right?" Brendon said. "Fuck, I should have known. He's been so fucked up again lately. Why didn't I see this coming? I'm his best friend?"

Tyler tried not to flinch at the words, knowing full well that he was the reason Josh hadn't been himself but chose not to comment on it. "You can't notice everything. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"What the hell even happened between you two anyway?" Brendon asked as they walked down the sidewalk of campus. "That's all he thinks about since he ran into you and I know it. Not that I don't enjoy all the angry sex from him but you gotta face the facts at some point."

Tyler tried not to cringe at the thought of Brendon and Josh being intimate. "I don't think it's my place to tell you. Just know, there's always two sides to every story." He said. "I'm not saying I won't tell you my side, but you need to talk to him first." 

"If we ever find him."

 

-

They had walked around for an hour, desperately looking for Josh. They checked every store, every hotel, and every park within walking distance of campus. They finally walked to the last park and Tyler's memory came flooding back of all the times him and Josh had played on that particular swingset. That's when Tyler knew where to go. 

"Brendon- I, Uh, I think I know where he might be. But I need you to let me go first, okay?" Tyler requested.

"No way in Hell. I need to know he's okay." Brendon shot back a death glare. "I'm his best friend."

"Just trust me, yeah? If he's there I'll let you know. Just...stay here." Tyler ran off toward the back of the park where the tree line started.

Eventually he came across the familiar landscape of trees he had known so well once. It was a bit more overgrown now, but he still knew the exact route to find the other boy. He found the ladder that had been nailed onto the tree before he found the treehouse itself. It was their safe haven from life once. Or, it used to be theirs anyway. 

Cautiously, Tyler climbed up the tree, praying the whole way that Josh was indeed in there. He took the final step and pulled himself onto the landing, searching for Josh in the darkness of the room. 

"Josh?" He whispered. "Josh, are you here?"

"What are you doing here, Tyler?" Josh responded from the back corner of the tree house, nearly scaring Tyler out of his skin.

"Brendon asked me to help find you. I thought you might be here." Tyler breathed a sigh of relief that the boy was safe.

"Yeah, well, I'm here. You can leave now." Josh was obviously upset but Tyler didn't know what to do. 

"I can't. I'm not leaving without you." Tyler moved to the corner where he heard joshs voice and sat down. "Brendon would kill me." 

"What the fuck do you want from me, Tyler?!" Josh threw his head back against the wood, allowing a few tears to slip out. "I'm not going through this again with you."

"Josh, I've told you a thousand times how sorry I am. I know I could never say it enough but I am and I swear this time I mean it. I know what happened was shitty, but believe me I've had to deal with it." He replied. 

"You had to deal with it? You?!" Josh laughed out of frustration. "You didn't have to deal with anything. You didn't have to move schools, move towns, or uproot your entire life like I did. All because Tyler Joseph couldn't come to terms with his own sexuality."

Tyler sucked in a breath. Hearing the words out loud Made him sick and he knew he was mostly at fault. He knew it but it still made him angry nonetheless.

"You think I had it easy? You were my best friend for years, I told you everything, then I suddenly had no one who understood me. It wasn't exactly easy for me either." Tyler let his voice become louder, mostly out of frustration. Josh may have had it hard, but Tyler thought he had it just as bad too. 

"But it was so easy for you to run my life into the ground? Tell the whole school and our church about how gay I am? Oh, wait, let's use your exact words: what a fag I am." Josh scoffed at Tyler and scooted further away. "I trusted you, Tyler. I believed you when you said you were different from everyone else, when you told me you'd never tell a soul and that everything was going to be okay, but you lied. You fucking lied." Josh was crying more now, not caring to hide it. 

"I was scared! You weren't supposed to like boys. Then when we kissed that day..." he trailed off. "You were raised in the same church as me, you knew it was considered a sin. I thought youd go to hell for it! I was trying to save us!" Tyler was almost screaming, trying desperately to explain himself to the other boy. "I don't know why you think I'm the only one at fault here."

"You fucking kissed me, Tyler! That's how! You kissed me right in this God forsaken tree house and then you flipped out because you couldn't handle what you felt!" Josh sighed, tired of screaming so he spoke again softly. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I would have forced you to do anything. You weren't trying to save us you were trying to save yourself. I believed you, Ty and I respected you. Something you never had for me." 

"That's not true and you know it. I always supported you in everything even when I knew it was wrong. You know why? Cause you meant everything to me. Yeah, I freaked out that day because I didn't realize what that meant. I was terrified of what everyone was going to say if they found out. At first, I didn't care because it felt so right then I heard all the sermons and the rumors play through my head about how wrong it was and I couldn't do it Josh. I couldn't fucking do it." 

"What, so you let me take the fall for everything? You made the decision to come out of nowhere and kiss me, on your own I might add, so for a split second I thought I was happy. I can't believe I was so fucking stupid." Josh rolled his eyes, it may have been dark, but Tyler knew he did. "You used me. You used me and made me take the fall for your decision."

Tyler decided he may as well tell the truth now and face it. No better time than now.  
"Look, I wasn't the one who told the church or the school. I wouldn't have done that to you and deep down I think you know that, too. After I left here that day, I went straight home. I walked inside and Dad knew something was up. I was happy but confused so I was crying, my lips were still puffy from all the kissing, and he saw one of the marks you left. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I was scared. It was a sin and I knew how he would react. So, I told him you pretty much came onto me before I could stop it." Tyler went silent for a moment to try to assess Josh's reaction, but it was blank. "He's the one who told the church, and you know how they gossip. By the time we were at school Monday morning everyone was talking about it and I was scared so I went along with it." Tyler picked the skin around his nails trying to focus on anything but the emotions he was feeling. "I was just confused, Josh."

"You expect me to accept that as an explanation? Or an apology? Cause it's too late for either one. You lost that right a long time ago. You had the chance to make things right and you didn't. I never, not once, came onto you. I loved you so fucking much, Tyler and you betrayed me. Then you have the nerve at the party to try to kiss me again for laughs? Knowing good and full well what I had already been through? Fuck you, Tyler." 

"I don't know what you've been through 'cause you left and wouldn't let me explain!" Tyler was fighting back tears at this point, not knowing Josh had actually loved him back then. His hands were trembling with each word he spoke. "I wanted to make things right so many times, but you shut me out." 

"You want to know what I've been through? Huh? Mom was fired from her job, so we had to move away where nobody knew her as 'the fags mother' just so she could be hired. I had to switch schools, so I didn't get into a fight every fucking day with every insult imaginable thrown at me. Do you know how hard it was to come home with a new fight mark everyday to explain to your mom? I had to leave my whole life behind because of you. So, when we moved, I didn't even get a fresh start because I didn't want my new life, or any life for that matter. So, one day, i waited for mom to leave for work right before school started. My therapist had prescribed me different medications to help me cope with all the shit happening but I didn't take them. I hoarded them up for that particular day and I took them all..." Josh took a break before he could continue. "By some miracle Mom had to come back home early because she left her badge on the counter. That's when she found me and I'll never forget her cries for me to stay alive. Next thing I remember I'm waking up in a hospital with a pumped stomach. So yeah, Tyler, that's how I was. Tell me how much worse you had it."

Tyler was about to reply to him but instead he felt a hard fist connecting with his face. 

"Brendon? What the fuck?!" Tyler yelled.

"Get the fuck out. Now. Before I hurt you." He all but growled at Tyler, refraining from ripping the boy to shreds. Brendon was shaking with anger, his fists clinging to his sides. He didn't know how long Brendon had been listening, but he figured he knew enough. So, Tyler left the treehouse but not before giving Josh one last look of pity.  
"I said fucking go Tyler!"

Brendon watched as he climbed down the ladder having to refrain from kicking him off it. Quietly, he moved beside Josh, wrapping him in his arms. They sat in silence for a few moments to calm their emotions and take it all in. 

"You never told me that, you know? About the hospital thing." Brendon whispered. "I knew you were depressed but I didn't know."

"I didn't think it mattered. It was pretty over when we met and I didn't want to introduce myself as the suicidal teenager." Josh spoke softly. "I wanted to be normal again. I just wanted a friend and I found you. I can't even begin to tell you how fucking grateful and happy I am to have you in my life, Beebo. You saved me." 

"No, I didn't save you, you did that yourself. I just wanted to be your friend. You made the decision to stay." Brendon retorted giving Josh a squeeze. "I'm really glad you did."

"You didn't have to come looking for me, you know. I would have come back eventually." Josh replied.

"I did have to look for you. That's my job as your best friend. To have your back and look out for you. Look, we don't have to talk about what I heard tonight. Just know if you ever do want or need to, I'm here. No judgment." Brendon told him.

"Love you, Beebo." Josh kissed the other boy's shoulder and stood up. He reached out his hand for him to help him up as well. "C'mon, let's go home."

They walked back to the dorm, hand in hand. Neither of them wanted to break the contact after the emotions of the night. Josh would be okay, at least for another day. 

\---------//-----------

 

Josh did his best to avoid Tyler after that. If he saw him in the hallway he would turn around and go the other direction. If he was in the library he'd zip through an aisle of books to avoid him. He just wanted to forget he existed.  
It was working for the most part, up until the next week when they were back in Creative Writing. 

Josh had no choice but to sit next to him. He pulled out his notebook and just doodled on the pages, not being able to come up with anything worthy of describing Tyler Joseph.  
He almost thought that Tyler wasn't showing up until he felt the chair beside him being pulled out. Josh didn't bother to look over. He had planned to ignore him the whole period until he saw the boy sliding him over a coffee. 

"Thank you" was all that Josh could manage to speak. Tyler didn't reply.

He glanced over at Tyler's notebook, trying hard to be discreet, and he could tell that the boy had almost a full page of writing on it. Too bad he didn't actually know Josh now so it was probably all inaccurate. He just knew who he used to be. 

Josh lost himself in his thoughts for the remainder of the class. Staring at Tyler's notebook pages, wondering how in the hell he was even able to come up with one fact much less a whole page. 

"I was thinking." Tyler said, obviously not addressing the fact Josh wasn't speaking to him. "I know you don't like me, but can we just talk enough to finish this project? If you don't ever speak to me again after I won't force you, but I need to keep my grades up for the scholarship."

"Fine. I'm not doing this now, though. You know I hate mornings." He watched as Tyler scribbled that down in his notebook as well. "If you want to work on this, come to mine around six. Brendon has a date and we can work on it in peace." 

"That sounds great. I'll be there." Tyler smiled up at Josh, praying it would be a peace offering.

"See you then." Josh declared as he pushed his chair in to leave. "Thank you. For the coffee."

"Oh, Yeah, anytime." Josh pretended not to see the hurt on Tyler's face. Josh was always able to read him better than he was given credit for. He was just tired of Tyler getting off without consequences. He knew it was because he was too forgiving when it came to the other boy but he couldn't help it. This time though, he was determined to stick with his decision.

He went back to his dorm, not feeling like attending the rest of his classes for the day and met up with Brendon. He was already high, of course, it was just his thing but Josh didn't feel like smoking today. 

"What's up, Joshie?" Brendon said inhaling the joint. "You look sad."

"Tyler. He's the root of all my problems. Forget money, Tyler Joseph is the root of all evil in my life." Josh threw his school supplies on the desk and sat in the chair. "He's coming this evening to work on that stupid creative writing project and honestly, Brendon, I couldn't tell him no. He even bought me coffee this morning."

"You know how I feel about him. I don't like him, at all. You're big enough to make your decisions but seriously, I wouldn't deal with his shit." Brendon replied.

"I can't believe you actually punched him. He actually had a bruise on his cheek earlier, did you see it?" Josh almost laughed out of bewilderment. "I forgot you were capable of physical harm."

Brendon had fought plenty of fights for Josh in their time of high school. He never let Josh fight alone and ultimately it made their bond stronger. Still, Josh had never seen Brendon start anything until the treehouse that night. 

"I heard almost everything you guys said. Tyler told me to wait for him 'cause he thought he knew where you'd be. I didn't trust him for a second, so I followed behind him once he went into the forest. I just stayed at the bottom of the tree until I couldn't take it anymore. He hurt you, which hurt me, and well, there we were." 

"You heard it all? So, you know?" Josh asked.

"I won't say I know everything, but I heard enough. There's more to that story and you both know it but it's not my business. You're both leaving something out and you could hear it in your voices." Brendon sighed. "I can't force you to tell me anything, Josh. I'm just asking that you don't hide from me. You know id support you to the end of the earth. I'm not like him."

"I know, I'm just not okay with talking about it. I spent the better part of almost three years trying to forget him and now he's just back. It's a lot to take in." Josh hated that he couldn't tell Brendon how he felt. He told him everything but now too many feelings were surfacing and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey, Beebo?" 

"Yeah?"

"Make me forget." 

That's all it took for Brendon's sly grin swept across his face before straddling Josh and colliding their lips. 

He just needed to forget.


	6. Save Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to pre-apologize for this chapter. It's not my best work but I wanted to get something out cause I promised weekly updates.  
> ANYWAY.  
> Buckle in, cause the next chapter is where it all starts coming together.  
> As always, thank you guys for all the love & support. <3

Tyler knew exactly what had been going on before he arrived at Josh's dorm. He practically heard the whole thing as he passed by to get to his own room earlier. Now that he was inside Josh's room, it was painfully obvious with the discarded clothing and the condom draping over the waste basket. Tyler was trying to not think about it, but he couldn't focus on much else. 

"Okay, Tyler. You've been here ten minutes already and we haven't hardly even talked. Are we working on this project or not?" Josh seemed irritated with him but honestly, he was still on his high from the sex so he was just trying to be civil. 

"Yeah, sorry. Just had a lot on my mind, I guess." He replied.

"Like what?" Josh was retrieving his notebook from his bag, flipping through the pages to find a blank one.

Tyler couldn't answer that honestly, so he went with a different answer that wasn't a full lie. 

"Oh, Just Jenna and I have a date later, but I don't feel like going. I think we're just not working out. She's so busy all the time and I just want to focus on school." Not a lie, not really.

"Sorry, dude." Josh didn't offer much support and he wasn't surprised by it. "Okay, so. Let's do this. What do you need to know about me to pass this?"

Tyler thought for a moment, he had a million questions running through his head but none that would be deemed appropriate for this particular conversation, so he settled for simple, so it wouldn't start any more fights.

"Just tell me everything I guess. Favorite hobbies, ya know, like the basics I guess?" Tyler requested.

"Woah, way to get deep on me." Josh chuckled. "I don't really have hobbies anymore, Tyler. I smoke weed, occasionally play drums, and fuck Brendon. That's my only hobbies." He knew it would make Tyler squirm to throw in the last part so that's the exact reason why he did it. When he saw Tyler's face blush red it was more than worth it. 

"Do you like him, then? I know it's not my business and I'd never put that in the paper I was just noticing. I mean, you guys had sex earlier, right?" 

Josh almost choked on the sip of water he was taking. He didn't realize Tyler knew about today even if he wasn't technically hiding it. This plan backfired quickly. 

"Well, Yeah, but how did you know?" Josh asked, trying to piece the puzzle of how Tyler knew together. "And no, we just have fun sometimes. We don't do the whole feelings and relationship thing. We're just best friends and if we need release we just kind of do it."

"Well I'm kind of observant over small things. I know Brendon had those clothes on earlier," he pointed to the pile on the floor, "and I saw the condom and bite marks on your neck. Plus, I kind of heard you guys in the hallway. You weren't exactly being subtle." 

Josh felt some pride rising in his stomach, knowing that Tyler heard them earlier. It's not that he wanted to make him uneasy, but if he did then so be it. It's what he deserved. 

"Yeah, being quiet isn't Brendon's strong suit." Josh laughed again watching as Tyler's face turned seven different shades of red. "Anyway. Let's try this differently. What are things you do know about me already?"

"Well, I know you still love Taco Bell more than life; whoever you marry will have a serious competition there. You never keep the same hair color for very long." He paused. "I don't know, Josh, this is hard. We used to know each other so much more." Tyler flipped the pen between his fingers, something he had done for years mostly out of habit and being anxious. He wasn't wrong. If this had been years before, they would have had this project completed in record time. Now they're nothing but strangers with names.

"Let's see. I know you have a girlfriend. You are an avid church goer, you have a good heart, but your mouth gets in the way, and you can't stand the fact I'm fucking Brendon. It's written all over your face." Josh pushed.

"We talked about this. I don't care that you're gay or whatever." He continued to twist the pen over and under his fingers. 

"Let's add 'liar' to the list about you." He rolled his eyes, playfully. "Seriously dude, you can't hide it. It bothers you." Josh wasn't being rude, he just wanted Tyler to be honest for once. He just wanted him to acknowledge the problem and work with it. 

"Fine. It bothers me. Not that you're gay, but the fact you don't care that he doesn't love you. It's supposed to be special, ya know? You deserve that." Tyler watched silently as Josh's face turned into a crumbled expression. 

"He loves me in his own way. Maybe not romantically but it's not like I reciprocate it either. Besides, you don't know what I deserve." Josh paused, running a hand through his hair. "You know what? This isn't going anywhere today. I think you should go before we make things worse. You have a date anyway." 

Tyler didn't acknowledge him. He simply gathered his things and placed them neatly in his bag and made his way to the door. He didn't bother to look at Josh because he knew it would be the same exhausted look he seemed to have a lot lately when Tyler was around. Tyler placed his hand on the doorknob and turned around to say goodbye but those weren't the words that came out. 

"I do know what you deserve, by the way, and it's not him." 

Josh didn't have time to process what he heard before the door was closing quietly behind Tyler. What the fuck did he mean by that?  
_____________

Josh found himself absent-mindedly starting out the window again, as he did most evenings when his thoughts were too much. The words Tyler and himself shared over the past few days were running rapidly through his head, over and over and over. It wasn't like he felt bad, it was quite the opposite in fact. He always felt more like himself when Tyler was around, almost like all of his broken pieces were coming back together. The problem was, he didn't want to want that. He didn't want to let Tyler back in just to be hurt again. He didn't think he would be strong enough to have his heart broken by Tyler Joseph more than once. Not in this lifetime.

Josh wished he was in the stars. He wished he could fly there when things were too much down here and just see how insignificant the problems were from that perspective. He wanted to just be able to feel like it was okay. That he would be okay, even if it took flying lightyears away to see it. 

Startling him away from his thoughts was Brendon crashing through the door, loud as ever. 

"Oops, sorry. I may or may not be a little trashed." He giggled.   
"Maybe a little more on the maybe side. Maybe."

"You don't say." Josh laughed back at the site of Brendon fumbling his way through the room. "How was your date?"

"Eh, it was a date. It was fun but no connection, sadly. Your boy was there with Jenna." Brendon mentioned casually and suddenly Josh was more interested. "He kept glaring at me like he wanted to murder me. Seriously, Joshie, if looks could kill you'd be planning my funeral right now. What did you do to him?"

"Nothing I know of. He came over to do that stupid project, but it ended in us getting nowhere as usual. He knew we fucked earlier but that's all we mentioned of you." Josh tried to think of anything else that would have Tyler seething, but nothing came to mind. They both just shrugged it off and blamed it on Tyler being weird. 

As per usual, Brendon decided to crawl beside Josh in the bed to talk and cuddle for the night. Normally, they'd drift right off to sleep as if this was an everyday occurrence, but Josh was needing to get things off his chest. 

"You love me, right?" Josh asked looking down at the drunkenly happy boy.

"Of course, I do, you idiot. Why are you asking?" Brendon was snuggled up closer to Josh now, running his hand down Josh's arm and stomach. 

"No reason. Let's just sleep, yeah?" 

 

The loud pounding of fists against wood and screaming wasn't how Josh planned on being woken up and by the looks of it, Brendon wasn't happy about it either. Confusedly, Josh glanced at the clock showing it was barely 3am and the knocks were most definitely not on their door, but he could hear them nonetheless. 

"This place better be burning to the fucking ground if they're waking me up right now." Brendon all but growled having to climb off the bed, Josh following suit.

"Who even is that? This is ridiculous." Josh questioned. "Go look out the door, Beeb."

Brendon walked to the door, peaking his head out, then slamming the door shut. "It's Jenna Black. I think she's yelling at Tyler through the door."

"Fuck. Really?" Brendon gave Josh a look of 'are you seriously questioning me right now?' but didn't comment on it.

"He's your friend. You go check it out. Make sure she shuts up or I will. I need my beauty sleep." Brendon wasn't the person you wanted to wake up in the middle of the night. He was sassy when he was a full nights rest, don't start on him when he lost it.

Josh groaned and made his way to the hallway, praying that Jenna didn't get any louder. He was about four feet away from her when she finally noticed him coming near her. 

"What do you want?" She asked him, venom in her voice. She was getting ready to pound on the door again, but lowered her fist as Josh started talking. 

"No offense, but you're kind of waking up the whole damn floor so I should be asking you that." Josh decided he wasn't going to play nice. To hell with being a good guy.

"I don't know what he sees in you. You've done nothing but corrupt him from the start. Tyler obviously isn't coming to his senses, so you can try talking to him. I'm done helping him." She gave three final knocks on the door before ending the show. "You hear that, Tyler?! I am DONE!" 

She flipped her hair out of her face and stormed away, using her shoulder to knock into Josh in the process. If it wasn't the middle of the night, Josh would have kept this argument going but he figured the rest of the dorm floor wouldn't appreciate it as much. Reluctantly, he knocked quietly on Tylers door. 

"Hey, Tyler, you in there?" He asked.

He wasn't met with a response, but the door creaked open just enough for a male to peep out and check to see if the coast was clear. The door opened and Josh walked inside staring at a confused Patrick. 

"What was that about?" He asked him. 

"Beats me. Tyler is in the bathroom and has been since the whole thing started. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't talking. You're welcome to try." Patrick looked as exhausted and confused as Josh did. 

Josh walked over to the bathroom door and hesitantly knocked three light times. "Tyler, it's me. Let me in."

The door unlocked and Josh took that as he que to come inside. He was tired and didn't feel like wasting time. He saw Tyler sitting beside the bathtub, eyes bloodshot, with his knees pulled up to his chest.

"This is a stupid question to ask, I know, but are you alright?" Josh looked over Tyler once more, trying to decide how to proceed.

"I can't do this anymore, Josh." Tyler whispered.

"Do what?"

"I can't be the person everyone expects me to be. It's overwhelming. I just- I wanted to find myself. I wanted this experience to help me become the version of me I want to be." He sighed and stayed quiet for a moment. "I broke up with Jenna. That's why she was yelling. I broke up with her via text and I know that's a shit thing to do, but I'm better at writing words than saying them."

"Wait, so that explains the yelling at an ungodly hour. I'm proud of you though, Ty. It's not easy trying to become who you want." Josh slid down the closed door behind him, sitting directly across from Tyler. "You know, I was thinking about something earlier."

Tyler raised his head to look at Josh but couldn't hold the eye contact. "About what?"

"First of all, I need you to look at me." Josh sighed. He knew saying what he was about to say was a bad idea, but he was doing it anyway. Tyler obeyed and looked back up at josh. "Good. You don't have to be afraid of me, you know that right? I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know. What were you saying?" Tyler was inquisitive and Josh knew he wasn't getting out of it.

"Do you remember the last night we spent together in the treehouse?" Josh waited for Tyler to agree. "We sat there for hours just talking about what we saw our lives like in ten years. We both had different views of course, but one thing we both had was that neither of us pictured us apart. There was no scenario that we picked that didn't include each other. There was no version of any reality that didn't have us together."

Tyler looked a little confused as to where this was going but he sat quietly and let Josh finish.

"What I'm trying to say is, maybe we're not supposed to be apart. I don't believe in divine intervention or any of that crap, but there has to be a reason we came back into each others lives, right? It can't be purely coincidental that we are in the same class, the same dorm building, and same school after everything." Josh was exasperated but at least he was telling the truth.

"Do you mean that? Or is this just because you found me crying in the bathroom and you pity me?" Tyler asked.

"I don't do pity, Tyler. I just realized that I want you in my life. However way that may be. Be my friend?" 

"Best frens."


	7. Need The Sun To Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> So sorry for taking forever to update. I promise I'm trying to stay on top of it while my reality world is so hectic.  
> I have ANOTHER trip next week and I'm still in the process of moving so I will do my best!  
> Also, this title is by James Bay. If you haven't listened to the song, it fits amazingly with this chapter.
> 
> ANYWAY, I won't keep you waiting any longer.  
> Enjoy<3
> 
> PS. Thank you times a million for all the love you guys have been leaving on this. You all inspire me to keep going. <3

A few days had gone by and things had fell into more of a routine for Josh. He had only seen Tyler twice since the bathroom confession, but they had exchanged numbers and had begun texting almost constantly. Brendon of course hadn't been thrilled at the idea of Tyler being in Josh's life again, but Josh assured him it was okay. Josh was finally feeling complete and he didn't want to lose that feeling again for a while.

Josh knew he still had to maintain some distance though. He couldn't fall for Tyler like he had stupidly done before. He wanted a friend; he didn't want to jeopardize that. He was supposed to hang out with Tyler today, but Tyler wouldn't tell him what they were doing. He just told him to be ready at 3 and not to ask questions. So, there he sat at 2:49 waiting for Tyler, flipping through his phone. Around ten minutes or so later, Tyler let his presence known and they headed off to the parking lot. 

"When are you planning to tell me what we're doing today exactly?" Josh inquired, smiling at his (new?) friend. "I need to make sure I'm prepared."

Tyler quickly glanced over Josh's outfit, making sure he had on some comfortable shoes. "Trust me. I promise you're dressed appropriately if that's what you're asking."

Tyler unlocked his Toyota Corolla and opened the passenger door for Josh. 

"And they say chivalry is dead!" Josh joked, climbing his way into the car. Tyler hid his face a bit trying to cover the blush that was creeping up on his face as he walked to the driver's side.

"I know perfectly well how to treat a lady. I'm nothing if not a gentleman." Tyler closed his door and started the engine. "Now, are you ready for our adventure?"

"As ready as ever." 

Josh was surprised how well they had fell back into each other's vibe. He was expecting some awkwardness, this being their first real outing together since everything happened. Josh had missed this. He missed all the jokes, the playful banter, and just Tyler in general. It was hard to keep a smile off his face. Especially when Josh saw where they were pulling into. 

"Taco Bell? Tyler, you're my hero!" Josh dramatically placed his hands over his chest.

"This is just part one. Besides, I know the way to your heart, Jishwa." Tyler realized what he said and immediately tried to back track. "Erm, sorry, that maybe was too much. I'm sorry."

"I don't mind. We're friends now, yeah? You can joke around without me taking it too personal." Josh gave him a smile and tried to relax him. "But you're definitely buying my chalupa now to make up for it."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

-

After they had filled up on their meal, they went back to the car and began the drive to the destination of Tyler's second surprise, but he refused to actually drive until josh was blind folded.

"Seriously? A blind fold?" Josh asked. "Are you taking me to be murdered?"

"Do I look like someone capable of murder to you? Just put it on." Tyler grabbed the bandana from josh and began to wrap it around the boy's eyes. "Don't lie, can you see anything?"

"Nothing. I swear. Is this really necessary though?" Josh adjusted the blindfold around his head to fit a little better. 

"Definitely. What's the point of a surprise if you see it coming?!" Tyler was excited and that's all josh cared about. 

Half an hour or so later, they were pulling into the driveway of the undisclosed location. Josh had never been more thankful. He normally wasn't car sick, but another five minutes and he would have puked all in the floor board of Tyler's car.

"Okay, I'm going to come around and help you out before you take off the blindfold." Tyler told him, scurrying out of the car before Josh could agree. He pulled Josh out carefully, making sure he didn't hit his head on the roof.  
"Alright. Take it off."

Josh hesitantly untied the band and removed it from his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was staring at. "Tyler- how- how did you do this?!"

Josh was standing in front of the cabin they stayed in once during Christmas break. They had each told their families they were staying with the other family and hey ran off to Tyler's uncles cabin. It was the best Christmas Josh had ever had. 

"When I called my parents yesterday they mentioned my uncle going to some fancy vacation, so I knew for sure it'd be vacant. My uncle thinks I'm bringing a fling here so he's not going to tell." Tyler walked to the back of his car, popping the trunk open. "Do you like it?"

"You know I loved it here. Are we staying here? I didn't bring extra clothes." Josh mentioned, realizing there was a fault in Tyler's plan.

"Yeah, all weekend. Miraculously, I had Brendon help me grab a few of your things when you weren't paying attention. I'm surprised he helped honestly. He swore he packed enough, but I packed extra just in case too. You can always wear some of mine." 

Josh didn't need to think about wearing Tyler's clothes. They probably smelled like Tyler and Josh definitely wasn't that much of a sadist. He wouldn't do that to himself, no matter how badly he may have wanted it.

"This is incredible! This is still one of my favorite memories, ever. That trip was the coolest." Josh excitedly helped Tyler grab bags from the car and took them inside. The cabin was just how he remembered it.

Josh wasn't lying when he said it was one of his favorite memories. Hell, it may have even been his favorite Christmas ever. It was just the two of them and a decorated tree branch from outside, but it was perfect. They spent the whole four days playing Mario kart, eating until they physically eat anymore, and talking. That's what josh missed most. All of their conversations during that time. Josh had finally opened up to Tyler about everything. He still wasn't sure if he regretted it.

"Yeah? Mine too. I figured since we're trying to be friends again, this would be the perfect place to try to reconnect. Just us." Tyler tossed a bag at Josh, hitting him right in the chest so he barely caught it. "Go put your swimming trunks on. There's a lake to swim in!"

Josh chuckled and made his way to the bedroom. This cabin was small, only one bedroom so he assumed he'd be sleeping on the pull out sofa, but he didn't mind. It felt good to be back at this place. He hurriedly changed into his clothes and made his way down the hall to find Tyler again. 

He turned the corner to find a very naked Tyler in the living room. Their eyes met and Josh felt the horror on their faces.

"Shit! Sorry, Tyler. I- "Josh threw his hands over his eyes like a child trying to give back the privacy. Tyler put his trunks on in record time, hoping and praying that the redness from his cheeks was gone.

"It's okay. Let's just never talk about it again." Tyler grabbed their towels and walked out the door, Josh following closely behind.

-

Josh felt like he was drowning. Not in the physical aspect from being shoved underwater playfully by Tyler, but by the fact he realized while he was underwater, he would never be over Tyler. There would never be a part of him that didn't just ache for the other boy. Every time Tyler would smile, laugh, or ramble on about God knows what, Josh fell even more. He was drowning. There was no getting out of this in one piece.

Josh came up for air and splashed Tyler in the fact. "You jerk! I could have died!"

"I'd never let that happen to you, Jish. You know that. Don't be dramatic." Tyler laid back and began to float. Josh tried not to choke on water at Tyler's tanned skin being so close yet so far away. 

Josh just took in the sight before him. He had seen Tyler before obviously, but now he was actually allowing himself to _look _and my God he was breath taking. His tattoos fit perfectly on his skin, every single one. He knew it was torture to want him like this, but he couldn't help it.__

__He didn't know going into this weekend just how hard it was going to be to pretend that he wasn't totally, irrevocably, in love with his ex-best friend. Maybe he was naïve and was hoping that the universe would do its part in making sure they stayed friends and nothing more. He was wrong and he knew it. It didn't mean he had to accept it though._ _

__"It's not polite to stare, ya know." Tyler laughed as he swam back toward the dock._ _

__"Uh, I wasn't- I didn't mean to. I was lost in my head, I guess." Josh lied. Well, technically he didn't lie. He just didn't tell the whole truth._ _

__"It's okay, dude. I was just playing." Josh watched him climb onto the dock and begin to dry off with his towel. He felt heat growing in his belly, but forced himself to ignore it. He just had to survive the weekend. That was it. "It's getting dark. Let's go inside and find something to do."_ _

__Josh joined Tyler up on the dock and dried himself off as well, nodding back at Tyler. "Sounds good. I call dibs on first shower!"_ _

__Then they both took off running._ _

__\-------//--------_ _

__Josh had honestly never been more thankful for a shower in his life. He knew if he was going to survive being isolated with Tyler for a whole weekend he'd have to relieve himself of some serious sexual tension and fast. He tried his best not to think about Tyler as he gripped his dick and gave it a nice squeeze. His brain, however, wasn't listening and all he saw was the image of Tyler naked in the living room._ _

__He began to pump himself slowly at first, then picking up the pace as his brain let itself wander to Tyler's wet body on the dock, the kiss they shared years ago, and Tyler's tattoos. Before he knew it, he was suppressing a small moan, pouring out into his hand. _Shit._ He didn't want to get off to his best friend, but damn if it wasn't good. Tyler would never have to know. _ _

__

__Only, the second he came back to reality, he heard a small cough in the room with him. He peeked around the shower curtain to see Tyler, blushing and horrified, staring right back at him._ _

__"I had to pee and the door was unlocked and I was going to say something but then I kind of _heard_ what was happening so I was trying to stay quiet and-" Tyler was rambling again, but he held eye contact with Josh so that was even more horrifying. "I'm so sorry."_ _

__"Yeah, uh, its fine. I think. Let's just pretend it didn't happen. Like before." Josh had to laugh. "This weekend is getting weird, huh?"_ _

__Tyler laughed a full belly laugh, obviously from nerves, but it was still beautiful to Josh. "This isn't what I thought was going to happen, no."_ _

__Josh closed the curtain back and started drying off, thankful he had a barrier between them. This would most definitely be the most mentally exhausting weekend of his life. He wrapped the towel around his waist, noticing he left his bag in the bedroom, and made his way out down the hall._ _

__Tyler was laying on the bed, writing in his notebook, when Josh walked in. "The shower is all yours. Sorry about the towel, my clothes are in here. I didn't realize."_ _

__"I'll be back soon. Just make yourself at home." Tyler scrounged up his belongings and started out the bedroom. "For what it's worth, I kind of like the towel look."_ _

__Josh's expression changed from friendly to shocked in less than two seconds. Tyler had to stop leaving him with his little remarks to figure out what they meant. It would be the death of Josh._ _

__He decided he'd play some Mario Kart while he waited on Tyler to finish up. It was getting late, he was tired, and he was wanting to figure out how the sleeping arrangements were going to work. He was going to need a lot of sleep after today. It wasn't too long until Tyler arrived, fresh and clean from the bathroom._ _

__

__"You look tired, Jishwa. You want to crash early tonight?" Tyler asked, pulling the blankets down from the bed._ _

__"Yeah if you don't care. I'll just take some blankets to the sofa if you'll show me where the extras are." Josh turned off the game system and stood up from the floor where he had been sitting._ _

__Tyler thought for a moment before replying to Josh. "You know, we could just share this bed. It's plenty big enough. If you don't mind, that is. It's better than the sofa."_ _

__"I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Josh frowned. He didn't want Tyler to think he had to offer the bed. He would be fine on the couch._ _

__"Dude, I don't care. Just get in. We used to do this all the time." Josh agreed, but he didn't want to point out the fact how much had changed since then._ _

__"Okay, but you better not hog the covers. I refuse to fight for warmth." Josh was being playful, because sue him for being happy and maybe a little excited to be this close to Tyler._ _

__Tyler rolled his eyes and hopped in the bed, Josh following suit. He pulled the covers up to his chin just how he liked it and tried to relax. Josh was never good at sleeping though, almost as if his body was allergic to sleep. No matter how tired he was, sometimes there was no fighting it. His mind would just run rapid and tonight seemed like it was going to be one of those nights. He could already feel it._ _

__He had managed to sleep for a couple hours before he woke up. It was nearing 4am when his mind decided it had enough of being dormant. He rolled onto his side, facing Tyler. He knew it was kind of creepy to watch someone sleep but honestly, he didn't care. He was going to take any chance at staring discreetly at Tyler that he could get._ _

__"You're staring again," Tyler spoke as he hazily opened his eyes. "I could feel it."_ _

__"Sorry, I couldn't sleep. I didn't mean to wake you." Josh laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling now, trying not to make it awkward._ _

__"You didn't. What's on your mind?" When Josh didn't answer right away Tyler pushed a little further. "I can still tell when something is up with you. Tell me."_ _

__"Whatever we say, right now, has to stay here in the dark, okay? In the light, we forget these conversations exist, got it?" Josh didn't so much ask the question, more like he stated rules._ _

__"Of course. The dark is a whole new world. I'm also going to add that no matter what is said, there is no judgement, nobody gets mad, and nobody runs." Tyler scooted closer to Josh, not that he minded._ _

__"Okay." Josh didn't know what to say. He knew what to say just didn't know how to say it._ _

__"Look at me, please," Tyler requested. "I want to see you during this. So you know I'm not going anywhere."_ _

__Josh obeyed and rolled back to face Tyler, faces barely a few inches apart.  
"I didn't know going into this weekend how much my heart missed you. I've tried to fight it for so long, Tyler. God knows I have. Just.. seeing you today, happy, carefree, and laughing makes me want you even more. I know I said I didn't care about you, but the truth is, I don't think I ever stopped."_ _

__"Josh-" Tyler tried to speak up but Josh interrupted._ _

__"No, let me finish or else I may never say this. I don't know what I thought we were or could be but I fucking adored you. So much. I loved you more than the stars love the sky. I want to believe that despite everything I might still have a chance, but I know I don't. I know that. But I also know that I am hopelessly in love with you still. I can't believe that this weekend is the closest I will ever get to having you as mine._ _

__"I didn't expect to confess all my feelings to you tonight. I'm not even sure why I am. I just know that laying here, right now, is the best I've felt in a long time. I feel complete. Tyler, I'm not expecting you to confess anything back to me. I just wanted you to know where I stand. Maybe if I had told you before we never would have been in the mess we were in." Josh grew quiet, not knowing what else to say. He wiped a tear from his cheek and let his eyes find Tylers._ _

__They stared at each other for what seemed like a lifetime. Josh couldn't read anything on Tyler's face, only saw his eyes were watering just as much as his own. He looked away, not being able to stand the silence, when he felt it._ _

__Tylers soft lips were on his own. The kiss was soft, delicate, almost as if Tyler was afraid of how Josh would react. Josh remembered they were still in the dark, so this kiss counted in the 'don't talk about it' category so he kissed back. He kissed Tyler back with all of his need that had been built up. Tyler reciprocated, kissing Josh with so much want and need it almost made Josh dizzy._ _

__Tyler began to slowly pull away, kissing Josh softly one more time._ _


	8. All Hail the Heartbreaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo sorry for the long wait!   
> The hurricane, the move, & my trip made things super hard to update.  
> I almost have all of the next chapter written as well so the update won't be long this time, promise!  
> I appreciate all of the support you guys have given me on this story<3  
> All the love,  
> d.

If Josh said he was shocked it would be the understatement of the year. He never truly expected Tyler to kiss him, especially not on his own, and definitely not right then. If anything, Josh thought Tyler would have gotten out of bed and left, but he didn't. He stayed. There they sat, staring at each other, confused as to what to do next. 

"We're still in the dark. So, I need to say something." Tyler shifted himself up on the bed, moving into a sitting position. "I need you to know, I'm not gay. I'm not gay, but I can't say that I don't care about you because I do."

"Tyler, you didn't have to kiss me because I bared my heart out. I just wanted you to know how I felt. You just deserved to know so we didn't end up in the same mess as before." 

"No, wait. That's not what I mean." Tyler took a deep breath, running a hand over his face. "When I kissed you that time in the treehouse, I knew what I wanted. I didn't even question it, not once, because I knew that nothing in this world would ever compare to you. Nobody would ever measure up to you. Then after everything between us, I thought maybe it was God's way of telling me it was wrong. I saw you here moving boxes and I knew then that this was fate; it couldn't just be a coincidence. I vowed then I was going to make everything up to you somehow. The dare came, and I won't lie to you, I was being selfish because I needed to know if what I felt was really just in my head or not. Then I kissed you again now and it still felt the same. I didn't kiss you just now to be selfish, to settle some score, or just to make you feel good. I wanted to. I still want you, Josh, but I'm not gay."

Josh let the words Tyler spoke play through his brain. He knew what Tyler was going through, maybe even having a sexuality crisis, but he knew that Tyler wasn't ready for everything that came next. Josh would just have to accept that he had to love him from afar, because there was no way in Hell Josh would lose him again. 

"Okay." That was all Josh managed to reply. There weren't any other words. He simply rolled over on his side to face away from the other boy and thankfully for him, he drifted right off to sleep.

 

\-----//-----

 

The next morning was awkward to say the least. They could barely look each other in the eye for a few seconds before they cowered away. Josh realized he had made a mistake telling Tyler everything he had, but then he knew Tyler was equally to blame. He kissed him first after all and bared just as much feelings. This was a mutual screw up. 

"We can't keep doing this, Tyler." Tyler dropped his spoon on the countertop, obviously not ready to hear Josh speak to him after last nights' events. "I know we said what happened in the dark stayed in the dark, but this is ridiculous. You can't even look at me now."

Tyler opened his mouth to speak but the words didn't come out. He just picked up his spoon and began to eat his cereal. 

"We kissed. No big deal." Tyler still didn't look at Josh. "Okay, look, this isn't a big deal unless you make it a big deal. Brendon and I do way more than kiss on a regular basis and we're just friends. No strings. I'm not going to tell anybody what happened."

Josh tried to smooth things over as best as he could, ignoring the obvious cringe Tyler made. He especially had to make things right, still having another day of being in this cabin, but he was going to need Tyler to try to be okay too. Josh had had enough of being not okay. Finally, Josh started his way back to the bedroom, but Tyler stopped him before he made it out of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," Tyler whispered. "I know what you told me wasn't easy for you. I screwed up and I know that. I'm so afraid of messing this up again. You're my best friend and I can't lose you a second time."

"I didn't tell you that I love you for you to stop talking to me, Ty. If you're so afraid of losing me, why even kiss me? Why even tell me all of those things?" Josh asked, obviously bitter about the situation. 

"I don't know, okay? It felt right." Tyler bowed his head down and walked toward Josh. He stood there speechless, waiting for Tyler to make any movement but all he did was wrap his arms around Josh's waist and nuzzle into his neck. "It's not supposed to feel like this, Josh."

Josh knew what he meant. Tyler didn't want it to feel so right and so normal. He wanted it to be repulsive, so it would be easy to walk away, but it wasn't. Every time they touched it was like electricity running through their veins. Josh didn't think much of his religion anymore, but if God was real, he would thank him for this moment one day. 

Josh placed a soft kiss to Tyler's temple, not breaking the hug. "For what it's worth, it doesn't always feel like this. Not with everybody."

"What do you mean?" Tyler pulled away, but stayed close to Josh, wrapped up in his space.

"With Brendon and Jenna, we feel good, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't feel like this." Josh leaned in and kissed Tyler like they had last night. He didn't kiss him long, just enough for his point. "I know you feel that too, Ty. You can't tell me you don't." 

"I'm not supposed to like this, Josh. I'm not…gay." Tyler allowed a tear to fall out of the corner of his eye before he looked back at Josh. "I'm not saying that I don't care about this. I'm just… It isn't what I've been taught. I need time to process, okay?"

"Okay." 

\-----//-----

Turns out, needing time to process meant staying away from Josh the rest of the day. Tyler locked himself away in the bedroom with his notebook, while Josh mostly sat around at the boat dock. He wanted to give the other boy his space, but he desperately just wanted to be with him. It was their last night at the cabin and he didn't want it to be awkward. He wanted it to be special, memorable, or literally anything other than what they were doing. 

Around seven, Josh made his way back inside the cabin to fix dinner for the two of them. He thought maybe Tyler would at least eat with him if nothing else. However, when he opened the door he saw Tyler standing in the kitchen, placing two plates at each end of the small dining table. 

"I, uhm, I made us dinner. I thought maybe we could talk about some things?" Tyler spoke sheepishly, like a child who was being forced to talk to a stranger.

"Thank you, Ty. It looks great. I actually had the same idea." Josh smiled at Tyler trying to break the tension but ultimately failing.   
He looked at the meal Tyler had made, spaghetti, and Josh's mouth was instantly watering. It looked delicious. "Really, Ty. This looks amazing."

They sat down across from each other, Tyler letting Josh grab the first serving. Josh was starving, but he couldn't force himself to eat much since he was worried about how this talk with Tyler would go. He shoveled a decent amount on his plate, so he didn't offend Tyler, but he wasn't sure how much of it would be eaten.

"So, you wanted to talk?" Josh swirled some spaghetti around his fork and brought it to his mouth.

"Yeah, if that's okay? I mean, I know we can talk, but I'm sorry. I'm bad at this. I'm nervous." 

"Don't be nervous. It's just me, okay?" Josh grabbed Tyler's hand across the table and let him try to speak. "Whatever it is, we'll be okay."

Tyler nodded his head, obviously still nervous but he wasn't going to let Josh down. 

"I'm going to need to do the thing where you don't interrupt until I say, okay?" Josh nodded. "I know I said this last night, but I need to start this by saying I do care about you. I need you to know that I would pick you over anything or anyone. I just need to be able to sort all of this out. I know I kind of shut myself out today, and I promise I won't do that again, but I just need some time. So, like, I don't want anyone to know. About this. About us. Until I can figure it out myself." 

Josh watched Tyler's expression change from nervousness to sadness. He knew what it was like to question yourself. Hell, he had gone through it before too, but he also knew that there was nothing he could say or do that would make it any easier. He could just be there for him. 

"Promise me something okay? You can't let anybody make this decision for you. Not your parents, not God, not anybody but Tyler Robert Joseph. Promise me this will be your decision, good or bad, because Tyler, this is your life and you're the one who is responsible for your happiness." Josh gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, but Tyler pulled away.

Josh didn't get a chance to question it really because before him Tyler had propped his elbow on the table, and had his pinky extended.   
"I promise. Pinky promise." Tyler smiled.

Josh wrapped his digit around Tyler's and laughed. "Really? A pinky promise?"

"Don't act like you're too cool for a pinky promise. Besides, if I break it, I'll have to cut my pinky off." 

They ate the rest of their dinner as normal, exchanging random conversation and laughs. Josh didn't waste any time offering to do the dishes for Tyler, since he cooked the meal after all, so they could get some rest before having to make the drive back to the dorms tomorrow. 

 

\------//------

Around three in the morning, Josh found himself wide awake as usual. Sleep was becoming more and more of a distant fantasy for him lately. It's not that Josh minded missing sleep right now, because he had Tyler to watch as creepy as it sounded. The boy was just so peaceful in his sleep. It was like all his demons were at rest and he could just be. It was the most beautiful sight Josh had ever seen.

Almost on que, Tyler began to stir, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. Josh tried to be as still and quiet as possible to let the other boy go back to sleep.

"You're awake again. I can feel it." Tyler opened his eyes lazily and rubbed the sleep from them. 

"I'm sorry, Ty. I can go to the other room if you want? I just don't really sleep much anymore." 

"No, stay." Tyler propped his head up on his hand and faced Josh. "Lie to me."

Josh knew Tyler wanted to play the game, but for once, he really didn't have much to say, so he went with the obvious and cliché route.

"I don't have feelings for you." Josh rolled himself up to sit face to face with Tyler.

"C'mon, that wasn't even a good one. Too easy. It's true. You told me last night."

Josh just shrugged. "Your turn."

"Actually, I have a question. You don't have to answer, but I thought about it a lot today."

"You know you can ask me anything, Ty."

"Do you remember the day you told me you were gay?" 

Josh sat for a moment as the memory crept its way back into his mind:

 

_Josh felt like his shoes weighed one hundred pounds as he walked to the treehouse to see his best friend. He had planned this for a while, telling his friend the news, but now all of a sudden, he was feeling sick about it. He wanted to back out, but he trusted him. Tyler would be the last person on Earth to hurt him._

_He climbed his way up to the treehouse entrance and waited for Tyler to arrive. He was always a few minutes later than Josh, due to the fact he had to stop by his house to tell his parents he'd be out until dinner. Even if this was the same routine he did every single day._

_Josh watched as his best friend's head popped through the entrance of the treehouse, smile never faltering as he barreled through the door and sat down dramatically next to Josh._

_"Why the long face, Joshie?" Tyler asked as he pulled out some Yoo-Hoo from his backpack._

_"I have something I need to tell you, Tyler. I just need you to promise that you won't tell anyone else, or judge me, or leave me." Josh's stomach felt like it was a knot and it wasn't going to come undone anytime soon._

_"Of course. You can always trust me." Tyler extended his pinky, and Josh latched his around Tyler's. Tyler always had a thing for pinky promises._

_"There's not really an easy way to say this, so I'm just going to spit it out fast." Josh rubbed a hand through his hair and exhaled deeply. "I'm gay."_

_Tyler didn't speak for a few minutes and Josh felt like he had made the biggest mistake of his life. Tyler was going to hate him for sure._

_"It's okay, Josh. I mean, obviously it's okay, but like, I won't tell. You can trust me. I'm not going to think of you any differently." Josh took a breath of relief and hugged his best friend as tightly as he could. Tyler wrapped his arms around him just as tight, because everything was going to be okay._

 

"Yeah, I remember, why?" Josh asked.

"How did you do it? How were you so okay with yourself?" Tyler asked. 

"Honestly? I don't want to make you feel like shit, but it's because I trusted you. I had you and I thought as long as I had one person, I was okay. Which is still true. All you need is one person who won't leave you and you'll get your confidence. Brendon is mine." Josh saw Tyler grimace even in the dark. "You have to stop doing that, you know? Cringing every single time, I mention Bren. We have sex, we're adults, it's a thing. You don't have to get all jealous on me now, Ty." He laughed knowing that Tyler would turn fifty shades of red from embarrassment. 

Tyler tried to ignore the comment and patted his cheeks to make the redness go away, but Josh wasn't letting up that easy.

"Don't get embarrassed now. I know you're still shy with all things sex related but it's just me. Don't worry, I'm not going to jump you because you kissed me. I have Brendon for all my burning sexual desires." Josh poked Tyler as he laughed. He missed pranking Tyler. "Anyway, like I said. Brendon gave me my confidence, he's my person. I'll always have him when I need someone."

"You have me now, too. I know it isn't the same, but you do. I swear I'm not going anywhere this time, Josh. I'll be here."

Somehow, Josh believed him, even if everything was screaming at him not to.


	9. I Fell in Love with My Best Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiii  
> I'm so glad to have this chapter finally out into the world. It's a pivotal part and after this angst is where we FINALLY get some much needed Joshler (I promise!)  
> Thank you guys for being patient with my crazy updates!   
> I love each and every person who takes the time to read this and leave me feedback. You all are AMAZING.  
> Without further ado, here is 4,051 words of a crazy roller coaster.   
> Enjoy<3
> 
> PS. The title comes from my current favorite song, Teenage Heartbreak Queen by Palaye Royale. <3

When Josh finally woke up, it was nine and Tyler was still asleep next to him. He heard his phone vibrating somewhere from the floor, and by the time he managed to find it he had six missed calls from Brendon. Weird.

He stepped out of the room, not to wake Tyler, and called Brendon right back. 

"Josh! You have to get the fuck out of there. Like now!" Brendon sounded desperate and exasperated. 

"Woah, slow down, B, what's wrong?" he asked. 

"I might have run into Jenna in the hallway and she asked where Tyler was. I didn't know that this getaway was supposed to be some huge secret! I didn't- I thought- just get out of there! She's pissed and calling Tylers parents." Brendon paused. "I am so sorry. Fuck!"

Josh didn't even reply, he just ended the call and raced back into the bedroom to get Tyler. Without missing a beat, he jumped onto the bed and started shaking the boy to wake him up.

"Tyler, we have to get up. We have to go." Josh tried to be calm, but he knew what would happen if Tyler's parents found them together here.

"What? What's happening?" He groggily opened his eyes and matched with Josh's horrified ones.

"Jenna told your parents that we're here; we have to go." 

"How-?" Josh cut him off.

"Don't ask questions right now. Just grab everything and I'll explain in the car." Josh retorted. 

The boys wasted no time throwing all of their belongings into the car, not caring if they were scattered about. They just needed everything in the car and out of the cabin before anyone could show up.

It took them all of twenty-one minutes and fifteen seconds to throw every belonging in the vehicle and start down the road back to the dorms. Josh had never felt more blessed in his entire life. He had to make sure to thank God for making it out later. 

 

\---------//--------

Josh opened the door to his dorm, having just told Tyler his goodbyes and thanked him for the weekend. Brendon was on the bed with bloodshot eyes, waiting to hear all about it.

"I am so sorry, Josh. I had no idea it was a secret. I didn't know until I saw the goddamn rage in her eyes and it clicked." Brendon crawled off the bed and hugged him. 

"It's fine, Beebo. Nobody came, we're back here, we're safe. No harm done." Josh smiled back at him and laid his belongings on the dresser. 

"Now that's out of the way, I want to know everything. Every single detail. Especially the good stuff. All the sexy, dirty, stuff." Brendon laughed.

"Sorry to disappoint, but we didn't. We talked mostly. I told him how I felt-don't roll your eyes at me-and he did too. Then he kissed me. Which I should be happy about if it wasn't for the fact he kept saying 'I'm not gay' and shit. I don't know but I still feel like we made some type of progress." Josh sat down on his own bed, suddenly missing sharing a bed with Tyler. It was nice while it lasted.

"He does realize that kissing you makes him a teeny bit into boys, right? Or at least, a boy?"   
"You know that and I know that, but somehow he doesn't know that," Josh responded. "I'm just trying not to push it. I don't want to scare him off."

"Touche, my friend." Brendon lit up a joint and relaxed himself onto the bed. It was Sunday evening after all, and well, that made it time for relaxation. Josh decided to join him and hopefully keep his mind off Tyler until tomorrow.

\------//-------

Josh was excited to see Tyler. He knew it had only been a few hours apart (not even a full 24 hours yet), but he was happy for the first time in a long time and early morning classes be damned, he wanted to see Tyler. This had to go on record that Josh was actually early to his creative writing class just for that purpose. Only, Tyler never showed up. After around twenty minutes Josh decided he'd send a simple text to see if he was okay. Maybe he just wasn't feeling like class. 

_hey, you ok? Im at this class alone :,(_

No response came. 

Josh decided a few minutes before class was to be dismissed that he would go check on Tyler at the dorms. Maybe he was sick? Or maybe he overslept? He didn't know. He just didn't like the silent treatment, especially from Tyler. Not after everything they had overcame lately. It made him feel like they were taking steps back and that's the last thing he wanted.

Josh vaguely heard the professor dismiss the students, but he was already halfway out the door. He didn't even stop when Patrick tried to get his attention when he passed him in the hall. The only thing on his mind was Tyler. Josh just waved at Pat and went on at his fast pace to the dorms. 

Josh didn't even bother to knock, he just barged on in Tyler's dorm, but he instantly was unsure if he was thankful for it. The second he opened the door, he saw a red-faced Tyler, eyes swollen from crying. 

"Tyler? What's wrong? Are you alright?" Josh took a few steps toward him and crawled up beside him on the bed. Tyler shook his head no and curled up into Josh's body. "Talk to me."

"Josh, I'm so confused. I mean, I'm not _confused_ but I'm lost. Lost seems more appropriate." Tyler shifted himself to sit up to face Josh before he continued. "You make me feel things I'm not supposed to, but I want to. I just I don't know if I'm _gay_ Josh. I don't know how to tell or what to do. I don't know if I'm gay or just a little for you. Maybe you're my exception." 

Josh had to suppress a laugh at that. "Would it be so bad if you were just gay for me?"

"I don't guess so. We always had a deeper connection than most. Pretty sure us holding hands all the time as kids was a sure way to tell that." 

"Your dad used to hate it," Josh laughed. "He would get so pissed off when he'd come home and we'd be watching Toy Story holding hands."

Tyler laughed. "Pissed is an understatement."

Josh stayed there for a while, the two of them just talking and laughing like old times. He knew he had homework and studying he needed to do, but his friend needed him and that's more important. At least it is to Josh anyway. 

 

\-------//-------

 

Josh made it back to his dorm around four that evening, and Brendon was already there, actually sitting at his desk with books open which was surprising but Josh didn't dare comment about it. He assumed Brendon needed to study for once if he had any chance of passing the semester and not be high as a kite. 

"You're back early," Brendon exclaimed, flipping another page in his textbook. "I figured you'd be out with Tyler since you weren't at any classes today."

"I was. He's having a crisis I think, Brendon. All of this happening between us is confusing him and he literally said today he didn't know if he was gay or just gay for me. Is that really even a thing?" Josh went over to his own desk and emptied the contents of his bag across it. He really had a lot of catching up to do. 

"There's always one way to test it," the other boy spoke as he turned in his chair to face Josh.

"Care to enlighten me?"

"I can be the test," Brendon shrugged. "I'm neutral territory. If he's up for it, I can definitely try all my best moves on him. I'm hot, I'm talented in more ways than one, and if he doesn't get turned on for me, he won't for other guys. Well, other guys except maybe for you." He wiggled his eyebrows at Josh, causing him to laugh. "That's how you'll know."

Josh hated to admit it and it made him sick with jealousy, but Brendon had a point.

"So, to get this straight, you want me to ask the guy I'm kind of in love with if he'll try to hook up with you?" Josh asked, cocking his head to the side. 

"Essentially." 

They both laughed at how ridiculous it sounded but josh knew Brendon had a point and what could it hurt right? Maybe it could help Tyler decide and not make him suffer any more than he had to up inside his already conflicted head. So, Josh took out his phone and sent another text to Tyler. 

_hey I have a weird thing to discuss_

Josh felt his stomach twist as he sent the text. There was no going back. 

_and what would that be jishwa_

_you can say no but I may have a solution to ur problem abt liking all guys or just me_

It took a few minutes before Tyler replied and Josh was starting to worry he had offended Tyler. That was the last thing he needed. 

_ok_

That was all it said and honestly Josh knew he had to word this just right not to offend or hurt Tyler, but still be kind of nonchalant about it. He wasn't even sure if this would work after all and he needed him to decide it in his own time.

_what if u tried to hook up with Brendon? he wouldn't tell & u would have an answr to ur crisis. ya know if it's just me or not _

It took forever for a reply. Josh assumed it was because Tyler was thinking through every scenario and weighing the pros and cons. Eventually though, he heard the familiar beep of his ringtone.

_ok. when?_

Josh had to read the message twice to make sure he wasn't misreading it. Tyler agreed. He actually agreed, and never did Josh see that coming. 

"Brendon, he asked when," Josh spoke, having to clear his throat, his voice a little squeaky. 

Brendon shot his head up straight at the statement. "You actually asked him? Damn, Josh, didn't think you had it in you. You're so jealous already it's cute."

Josh rolled his eyes. "When, Brendon?"

"Right now." Brendon smirked obviously proud but also wanting to tease Josh a bit. "No time like the present. Carpe diem." 

_well..he said he would now? unless u need more time_

_be there in ten._

Josh had to quieten a shocked groan. "Well, Beeb, hope you're ready. He's coming in ten."

A Cheshire grin spread across Brendon's face, "oh baby, I'm always ready."

-

Josh would be lying if he said he didn't watch the hands on the clock while he waited for Tyler. On one hand, he was eternally grateful to Brendon for being willing to help him. On the other, he was jealous as hell that it wasn't him being able to do this. 

True to his word, Tyler showed up almost exactly ten minutes later. Josh opened the door, trying not to look as nervous and awkward as he felt. He saw a very scared Tyler standing in front of him, his hair wet presumably from a quick shower and he smelled of mint. Tyler had obviously cleaned up for this. Josh could smell the hints of lavender from Tyler's shampoo and he was suddenly desperate to be the one Tyler wanted. 

"Hey," was all that Josh was able to manage to spit out as he ushered Tyler in through the door not closing it behind him. 

"Yeah, hey." Tyler stuffed his hands in his pockets and apologized to Josh. "Sorry..this is kind of awkward. A lot awkward actually and-"

Thankfully, the awkwardness was cut short by Brendon walking in from the bathroom. "Hey, Tyler. Ready for the time of your life?"

Tyler blushed. He flushed at least six different shades of red. "Ready as I'll ever be, I guess." 

"Uh, yeah, so I'm just gonna- I'm gonna go get coffee and study or something. Just uh, text me if you need me." Josh spoke as he glanced one final look at Tyler to make sure he was okay. Tyler sent him a silent nod and Josh closed the door behind him. 

"First things first, Tyler. Don't be nervous. This won't work if you're not relaxed, okay? I'm plenty experienced so I won't hurt you or make you do anything you don't want to, capiche?" Brendon guided Tyler over to his bed and sat down beside him. "Communication is key here. This is intense the first time and I need to know you'll speak up if it's too much. I know this is just to help you figure yourself out, but you have to use your words if you get uncomfortable or anything. Or, if you know, you /really/ enjoy it." Brendon shot him a wink to lighten the mood. 

"Thank you, by the way. For um, for helping with this. I know you don't like me much and I don't blame you. I don't like me much but thanks." Tyler responded. "I can do this. Im just shy and I've never done this before at all. Nerves are normal I guess?"

"I'll like you just fine as long as Josh doesn't get broken again. Anyway. Here's what we'll do. I'll initiate the first bit of this, yeah? I know you're in new territory so I'll take most of the command. If you feel like doing something, do it. Just turn off your brain and focus on how you feel. If I do something you don't like or don't want just tell me, okay?" 

Tyler nodded. "Okay. Okay, yeah."

Brendon positioned himself to face him and slowly raised his hand to caress Tyler's cheek. Cautiously, Brendon moved forward and connected their lips ever so softly to make sure he eased Tyler into this. After a few seconds, the shock wore off for Tyler and he gave in to the kiss, pressing harder onto Brendon's mouth. Tyler felt Brendon crawling on top of him, pushing him down on the bed. He straddled Tyler, legs on both sides of him and leaned back down for another quick kiss.   
"You still okay?" Brendon asked. All Tyler could bring himself to do was nod. 

Brendon quickly removed his shirt and Tyler gasped. He knew Brendon was attractive, anybody could see that, but seeing in person, this close, was something entirely different. "Like what you see, Tyler?" Brendon giggled.

He nodded but Brendon wasn't letting him off that easily. "Words, Tyler. From here on out you have to use your words."

"Y-yeah. I do." Tyler felt his stomach doing flips for what was to come next. He was starting to get tight in his pants and he was praying that Brendon hadn't caught on yet. 

"I'm going to start undressing you now, is that okay?" Brendon asked. "That's when the real fun starts."

"Okay." Brendon didn't waste a second. Before Tyler could realize what was happening his shirt was already off and his jeans being pulled from his ankles. His boxers were doing absolutely nothing for hiding his excitement. Suddenly, he was feeling overly exposed and aroused. "Brendon, can you um, can you take off your pants too?"

"Mm, of course, doll." Brendon pulled his jeans off and honestly Tyler doesn't know _how_ he got them off so easily as tight as they were on his legs. Thankfully, once they were off Tyler could see Brendon's dick just as hard inside his boxers, leaving little to the imagination. He didn't mean to stare, but honestly, how could he not?

Brendon crawled back up beside Tyler, kissing him, kissing him down his neck, down his chest, stopping just below his navel. "You sure you're okay with this?"

Tyler was feeling hot, almost too hot, but he wanted this so badly. His head was screaming NO! but his body wanted this. "Yes, erm, yes please." 

"So eager. I like it." Brendon slowly removed Tyler from the boxers, his length springing free. He couldn't look at Brendon, he was still feeling exposed and almost embarrassed, but Brendon kept assuring him he'd take care of him. Suddenly, Tyler felt the heat from Brendon's mouth wrapping around the head. "Oh, God!" 

"What's wrong, Ty? You okay?" Brendon questioned at Tyler's sudden exclamation as he shot up on the bed. 

"That's- that was- wow. Yeah, I'm okay. Just new." Tyler replied, albeit a little embarrassed. He hadn't been prepared for how good his mouth was going to feel. It was something new and exciting. 

It took Brendon a second to realize Tyler had meant he had never received a blowjob of any sort before he started back. He slowly licked the underside of his length before taking him in his mouth again. Tyler had never felt this good in his entire life. Brendon bobbed his head up and down a few times, going a little deeper each time, riding the movement of Tyler's hips as well. Brendon was more than experienced, and he wanted to make sure Tyler knew how amazing this could be. 

Tyler knew he wasn't going to last much longer. This was all too much for his brain to process but it felt so sinfully /good/ that he didn't care. A few minutes later Tyler felt the familiar pressure rising in his lower belly. "Brendon, I'm- I'm gonna come. You need to-" but Brendon didn't stop. Instead, he latched his hands onto Tyler's hips and forced his mouth further down, allowing Tyler to spill into his mouth, Brendon swallowing every drop. He pulled off of Tyler with a proud suck for good measure, smiling to himself. 

Tyler laid there for a second in blissful relaxation before he realized that Brendon probably needed tended to as well. He sat himself up and looked at Brendon for guidance. "That was- that was incredible." 

"Consider it a specialty of mine," he winked. Tyler looked down and noticed that Brendon was indeed still hard and decided to reciprocate. It's the least he could do, right?

"Can I um," he pointed to Brendon's member. "Can I help you with that?" 

"Only if you want to. This was just for you, to help you figure things out and learn. You don't have to relieve me if you don't want babe, I can handle it myself." 

"I want to. I need to try, anyway.," Tyler whispered. "I just- I need help. I don't really know what to do." 

"You can stop at any time, okay?" Tyler nodded. "First, just take it out and feel it. Get used to how it feels in your hands. You've jerked off before, you know what feels good, but having someone else's in your hand is different somehow. Just do what you'd do. As far as the rest…just don't bite my dick off," giggled Brendon. Tyler was suddenly even more thankful to have Brendon doing this because anyone else wouldn't find Tyler's crisis as amusing and easy to laugh about. 

Tyler shakily took his hands and slid his thumbs into the waistband of Brendon's boxers, sliding them off. When Brendon's cock was out Tyler started to feel scared and almost sick. 

"It's okay, Tyler. Just grab it like you would yourself. Here," Brendon grabbed Tyler's hand. "Let me guide you at first okay?" 

Brendon took Tyler's hand and closed it around his member, wrapping his hand over the other boys. Gently, he began to pump his fist over and over slowly at first then building the pace. Once they had gotten to a nice pace, Brendon let go, leaving Tyler to do it on his own. 

"Mmm, that's good, Tyler," Brendon moaned. Tyler felt the slickness of precome on his hand. There was no turning back. 

Tyler wasn't sure if it was confidence from Brendon's moan, or him just being plain stupid but he decided to lean down and take Brendon into his mouth. The first taste wasn't awful, but it definitely wasn't _nice._ He choked a little not realizing just how big Brendon was until he was in his mouth. 

He tried his best to mimic what Brendon had done to him moments before. He took his member and wrapped his mouth around him again and swirled his tongue around the head.

"Fuck, Tyler. That's so good," Brendon moaned again, chewing on his bottom lip. 

After a few more swirls and bobs, Brendon was finally about to climax. "Tyler, you need to stop. Just pull off and use your hand, okay?"

Tyler did as he was told and soon enough, Brendon was pouring into his hand, sending curses and moans from his lips. 

They sat there together in silence for a few moments. Tyler didn't know what to say and Brendon was still in a blissful state he wasn't able to form words. 

"Come on, Tyler," Brendon eventually started, "let's go clean up."

Tyler followed him into the bathroom where they grabbed some wet cloths from the cabinet and cleaned themselves off. 

"Thank you, Brendon. I- just, thanks." Tyler tossed his cloth into the bin beside them.

"Anytime," Brendon winked. "Seriously though, anytime you need help and don't want to come to Josh, I'm here. For both of you. You did good and I mean that. Now go text him and tell him how amazing I am. I'm gonna shower."

-

 

Josh was sitting in the car when he received Tyler's message. He had planned to leave, really he did, but somehow after he picked up some coffee from the local shop he couldn't bring himself to do anything except go back. What if Tyler got scared? What if he needed him? So, he sat in his car with his coffee and let his mind race with everything happening. 

_hey jish can we talk?_

_yep..I'm in the car if u wanna come down_

Josh saw the _read_ under his message and knew Tyler would be on his way. He was starting to feel sick with jealousy, but he told himself he had to keep an open mind. No matter what happened.

A few moments later, the passenger door was being opened and Tyler crawled inside. Josh took notice of his flushed skin and roused hair, but he didn't say anything. He needed Tyler to initiate this.

"Hey," Tyler whispered. "Are you okay?"

"I should really be asking you that, you know."

"Shows what kind of friend you are," Tyler teased, sending Josh a small smile in the process. 

"Jerk! I'm fine. How are you, though? Did everything um, go okay?" He asked but he was unable to use proper words for what he had done. Jealousy was eating Josh alive and he couldn't take it. 

"This is insane and awkward but yeah, it went well. We didn't, you know, _everything_ but it was enough for me to know. I think. I'm not sure. I still need time to process it all I think." Tyler was rambling at this point, most likely from nerves, but Josh just watched as he picked the skin around his nails and tried to continue. "Josh, I think, the problem was that it wasn't you. I mean, I definitely enjoyed myself don't get me wrong, but it wasn't _you._ "

"You need to be sure about this Tyler. I'm not going to sleep with you just so you know about yourself. I can't. You know I can't. It could destroy me if it didn't work. I promise when you're ready I'll do whatever you want, anything you need, but not until you're ready." It killed Josh to have to say no. Tyler didn't have to verbally ask him because Josh could read it in his expressions. 

Tyler's eyes welled up with tears, and he ran out of the car. Not once looking back, no matter how many times Josh screamed his name.


	10. Taken By Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> I'll add another note at the end, but here's a couple things I need to say:  
> tw: mild homophobia  
>  post-fight scene from homophobic encounter
> 
> Also, I shouldn't have to say this but I obviously don't own the song lyrics. 
> 
> ENJOY!

It had been two weeks.

Two weeks since Josh had seen or heard from Tyler. He hadn't meant to upset him, but he had to protect himself. Just because Tyler was trying to be a better version of himself didn't mean that he wouldn't accidentally hurt him again. Josh had his fair share of being hurt by him and he couldn't afford anymore.

Josh had sent him multiple texts, left a bunch of voicemails, and even went to his room a few times, but Patrick would always politely turn him away saying 'he just needs some time' but Josh knew that was bullshit. He was just avoiding him without letting him explain. 

So, it was kind of a surprise when Tyler was banging on his and Brendons' door at four in the morning, crying, with a black eye. 

"Dude, are you alright?" Josh pulled Tyler inside, cusping his face in his hands to inspect the injuries. Tyler didn't respond; he just kept crying. 

"Brendon, I'm going to take him to the bathroom and get him cleaned up. Is the first aid still under the sink?" 

"Uh, yeah, it should be," Brendon replied. "Do you need help?" 

"Nah," Josh replied. "I think I've got this."

Josh let Tyler lean on him for support to walk to the bathroom. Once inside, Josh sat him down on the toilet and began eyeing over his injuries. His eye was black, he had some smaller cuts across his cheek, and some blood from his nose. "Jesus, Tyler, what happened to you?"

"Dad happened," he whispered. "I told him, you know. I didn't tell him about you, but I told him about me. What I did. With Brendon." 

"Shit, Tyler," Josh grabbed a wet cloth from the drawer and ran some warm water on it before dabbing it over Tyler's face. "Not that I'm not proud, but why?"

Tyler was still crying, but trying to explain the story as best as he could to Josh. 

"I thought about what you told me. How I needed to be sure I'm doing everything for me and not just for my family or God. I had church this morning with them, then we went back for dinner. Mom kept insisting I had to stay because I didn't stay last time." Tyler winced as Josh began wiping away the dried blood from the cuts. "We were eating dinner and Zack started talking about this gay couple at school. The things they were saying-I just-I couldn't listen to it anymore. So, I stood up and said, 'well do you think all of these things about me cause I'm gay too?' and it was silent. I don't even know why I did it."

Josh nodded his head, unsure if he wanted to Tyler to continue the story. His heart was in his throat. "You just spit it out? Just like that?"

"I didn't actually mean to. It just came out. I was so scared once I realized what I had done. I saw it coming. I saw the hate and anger come over my dad. I hadn't seen him like that before, Josh." Tyler began to shake from the memory. "I'll spare you the details but Josh, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?" Josh asked. "Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything wrong."

"I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. Everything I've put you through. I know I was supposed to be your friend back then and I let you down. I'm always letting you down. I just-one day I'll prove it to you that I am sorry with more than words. I need you to believe that. To believe me."

"Shh, it's okay," Josh sank to his knees in front of Tyler, wiping some more tears away. "I believe you. I do."

Then all of a sudden it was as if the world faded away from around them. Josh was stunned feeling the presence of lips on his mouth, pulling away a bit from shock before realizing it was Tyler initiating it. Josh kissed him back with every ounce of energy that was coursing through his veins. Josh knew deep down this was the beginning of something amazing and new and he was appreciating every single detail of this moment. This wasn't like before, this was new, meaningful, and the emotion behind it was almost too much to bear. 

The kiss lasted for a couple minutes before Josh finally pulled away for breath. He didn't want Tyler to over-do it either, but he couldn't contain the happiness he felt radiating in his belly.

"You should stay here tonight," Josh whispered, still close to Tyler's face. "You can sleep with me. You need some rest."

Tyler just nodded in response, following Josh out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. 

Josh pulled the covers down off the bed further so they both had room to climb in. Josh looked at Tyler as he stood hesitantly at the bottom of the bed.

"Are you alright?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry."

Tyler didn't act like he wanted to say much else, so Josh didn't push it. He just let it go and guided Tyler into the bed first. When he laid down beside him it felt as if his mind was miles away. He had Tyler here, they had kissed for the first real meaningful time, and yet, something was still so off. Maybe Josh was just over-thinking it. 

\----//----

Tyler was gone when Josh woke up the next morning. He was sad, but Josh knew he had a rough day the day before and probably needed some space. The only problem was every bone in his body was yearning for him to check on the boy. 

"He left an hour ago," Brendon groaned from his side of the room. "I'll sound like a creep for this, but I'm pretty sure he left you a note before you go freaking out."

Ah, leave it to Brendon to read his mind. He honestly would be lost without him. "You're my God sent," he told Brendon.

Josh rolled onto his side and sat up looking for the note on the night stand table beside him:

_Jish, thanks for last night. Thanks for everything. Talk soon.  
-Ty _

Vague, but that was Tyler. He either used too many words or not nearly enough. 

It was Monday morning so that meant another gruesome early morning class. If it wasn't for the fact he would (hopefully) see Tyler he would have stayed in bed. If Tyler isn't in there he decided he'd turn around and walk right back out. 

He made his way to the same familiar room and waited as the students began to pour in. Finally, Josh saw Tyler walking in wearing a bright red beanie, two coffees in his hands.

"I figured you might need this," he told Josh.

"God, you're a miracle you know that?" Josh accepted the coffee and took a sip of the hot contents. He definitely needed the extra caffeine after last night.

"I do what I can. Hey, do you want to come to mine after this? I have something I want to show you," Tyler offered.

"Of course," replied Josh. "I'd love to."

Before they could finish their conversation, their professor had walked in, voice taking over the classroom. 

"I hope you all have worked on your partner assignment, 'cause they're due today and we're going to start reading some aloud now."

'Shit,' Josh thought. Him and Tyler had barely worked on theirs but maybe they knew enough about each other to wing it. Hopefully.

"Any takers on going first?" asked the professor. "No? Alright then, I'll pick." He sat down beside his computer and grazed through the names, before landing on a girl that if Josh was being honest, he didn't know was even in the class.

The girl and her partner went and they both spit a few lines out about the other. Mostly cliché things about what music they enjoyed to their coffee order but nothing super interesting. A few other pairs went, and Josh was hoping that they'd get lucky and not have to read theirs until next week, but the universe never did like Josh so naturally, Tyler's name was called next.

"Ah, Tyler Joseph. Why don't you share your thought on your partner?"

Tyler stood up, opening the same notebook Josh had seen him carrying around since the beginning. Josh watched Tyler carefully as he began his speech.

"Joshua Dun is my partner. Jish, if you will. He's not what you'd expect if you judged him by how you see him. He's so much more. He's a drummer, a friend, but most importantly, my best friend." A few groans of annoyance were scattered throughout the room because people assumed this was why they had partnered together to begin with.

"I know you're thinking this assignment was easy for us, but it wasn't. In fact, we didn't even talk to each other for most of it. We used to be close when we were younger and well, life happened I guess. It took this stupid assignment to get us talking again. I learned that he hates mornings, so to make up for it I bring him a black coffee so he's not grumpy. I know that he's a romantic even if he doesn't believe it. He's the most pessimistical optimist I know. He wants so badly to believe in the good, but he refuses to. He's damaged, but it's okay because we all are. He's taught me so much about myself and if you get him intoxicated, he turns philosophical real quick. He's Jish. Words can't describe him." 

Tyler closed his notebook and Josh was in awe. He wasn't sure if Tyler had actually paid that much attention or if he just spouted some random crap, but it made his tummy flutter nonetheless. Tyler gave him a smile and quickly looked away. He was embarrassed. Josh took a deep breath because it was now his turn. He hadn't prepared anything, but he knew exactly what he wanted, no needed to say.

"Tyler Robert Joseph. I could stand here and tell you the most basic generic things about him. He's religious, he writes poetry, he's shy, and loves a good chalupa. That would be doing him a disservice though because he's such a unique person. Nothing defines him. He might be religious, but he questions his faith. He questions so many things because his wonderful brain never stops thinking. He writes some of the most beautiful words you've ever heard and doesn't even realize how amazing they really are. He might be shy, but he finds a way to light up the room. He's so much stronger than he realizes. He's not just another kid. He's going to be something great, one day." Josh paused to clear his throat. "Tyler is all of these things, but he is so much more."   
Silence. 

That's all there was after Tyler and Josh gave their speeches. Anyone with two eyes could see what they were saying meant so much more to them. It was simple, cliché, random information but they knew it meant they cared. They had both remembered tiny details about each other without having to. They both had cared all along but was just too afraid to admit it. 

\-------//-------

On their way to Tyler's dorm, they didn't talk much. It wasn't uncomfortable, though, just a silence that they both appreciated. Tyler hesitantly opened his door and ushered Josh inside. Patrick must have had class or was out with Pete because he wasn't there. Josh was silently thankful he had some alone time with Tyler.

"I found this while I was back home. I uh-I wrote it in high school, before-well after you left. I never thought I'd be showing it to you, but after everything I think I want to. I told you I wanted to prove I was sorry so just hear me out." Tyler was nervous because he was rambling. Add that to the list of things Josh knew about him.

"Alright then. Let's see it."

"It's more of a hear it, actually. It's a song," Tyler responded. He pulled out his keyboard from under the bed and set it up so he was positioned sitting right in front of Josh. Josh sat down on the bed across him, waiting for him to start.

"I'm really nervous so don't be mean," Tyler laughed. 

"Scouts honor, I won't make fun of you." Josh took his fingers and crossed an x across his chest. 

Tyler breathed deeply and cracked his knuckles before he gently let his hands fall to the keys. 

**It just hit me as I laid my head down  
No one around in the dark cold night, I hear a sound  
In my head repeat track of everything you've ever said  
Must be something, but it's nothing, so I just go back to bed  
It's four, crack the door to the hallways in my dreams  
But it seems my hallway keeps closing in on me  
Forcing me out, making me think about you and how you're gone  
I see 4:05 in teary eyes and then I write this song **

 

Josh was in awe. He knew Tyler could play piano and he knew that Tyler could sing but he hadn't heard it in so long it was like being awakened by it. His smiled at Tyler, letting him know it was okay. 

**And I just can't believe it has to be this way  
You know we say it seems to me that it was just the other day  
I saw your face, I saw your light, you ran the race, you fought the fight  
But now it's all being torn down for me tonight  
And I know it might be a little selfish for me to say  
But I need to know if you've thought of me at all today  
Cause every day walk past the place you lived 5 days of the week  
And now it's ten after four and I am taken by sleep **

 

Josh felt Tyler's pain in his words. He really had missed Josh. He had felt guilt, he knew he had messed up. Josh knew somewhere deep down that Tyler felt that way all along, but hearing it here, all laid out before him was something entirely new. 

**Spending hours on end, deciding what I'd say to a friend if I ever saw him again  
Cause I don't if I know, don't want to come across the wrong way  
And I don't know if I know, but I know I want to see your face today  
And somebody told me they saw you cry and break down  
Do you know how hard that is to get around and think about?  
It's not like you to let emotions get the best of things  
Especially when everything is hanging in the air we breathe **

Josh realized that Tyler had played every moment in his head, wondering what he would say to Josh if he saw him. How he would apologize, how he'd tell him he'd fucked up, but he couldn't because he never truly thought he'd see him again. Josh didn't know if he wanted to kiss Tyler or cry.

**And I just can't believe it has to be this way  
You know we say it seems to me that it was just the other day  
I saw your face and saw your light, you ran the race, you fought the fight  
But now it's all being torn down for me tonight  
And I know it might be a little selfish for me to say  
But I need to know if you thought of me at all today  
Cause every day walk past the place you lived 5 days of the week  
And now it's ten after four and I am taken by sleep **

 

Tyler finished. He didn't look at Josh right away, probably scared of what Josh had to say. Reluctantly, he finally met his gaze and Josh just smiled. Josh moved from the bed and pulled Tyler into him.   
Tyler didn't move a muscle, he sat still, just letting Josh engulf him. 

Josh cradled Tyler's face in his hands and kissed him. It was just light, just like a routine, like it was something they did every day, but the meaning was there. 

"You are and will forever be the greatest thing to ever happen to me, Tyler Joseph," Josh said. "We have had the craziest past, but I wouldn't trade it. Not when I know how we are now. I know you're not ready and it's okay. But Tyler, those were the words I've needed to hear and they were there all along." He pulled Tyler in for a hug, solely because he didn't want to let go. 

"I don't deserve you. I never will." Tyler whispered into the crook of Josh's neck. He had buried his face there, but Josh didn't mind.

Josh moved away so he kiss Tyler again. Slowly, but their emotions were high, so it turned passionate in a second. Josh nipped at Tyler's lip, flicking his tongue over it. Tyler allowed Josh entrance to his mouth and Josh's insides felt like they could explode. This was so much more than he could have ever dreamed of. Each touch was like a shock of electricity throughout his body. 

Tyler stopped the kiss, momentarily, looking up at Josh. "I want you."

Josh didn't quite understand what he was getting at, he was right there, so he just replied, "I'm right here. You have me."

"No, Josh. I _want_ you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliff-hanger, but this chapter was getting incredibly long so it's split into two parts and part two should be posted this weekend.   
> <3  
> Thank you for all the love & support you guys show me. I read every comment and I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you all enjoy my work. 
> 
> all the love,  
> des.


	11. I Caught Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baccccck!  
> This is the shortest chapter of the work since it was part two of the last chapter but I still apologize.  
> It's mostly smut, but there's a nice surprise at the end. (;  
> I listened to I Caught Fire by The Used while writing this chapter (it will forever be my favorite song) but anyway give it a listen if you haven't.   
> I won't bore you any longer with the note but I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> All the love<3

"I want you."

Josh wasn't entirely sure he heard correctly, but the way Tyler was looking at him he couldn't have gotten it wrong. Tyler wanted him. 

"Are you- are you sure, Ty? This is kind of a big deal and I don't want you jumping into this if you're not ready," Josh started but he saw Tyler's face fall. "Don't do that. I want this, fuck I want this so badly but I need to know that you do too."

"I do. I do, Josh. Please." 

Josh let his eyes fall back into Tyler's gaze and he collided their lips together almost painfully, but they didn't care. Josh had waited too long for this moment to come and he'd be damned if he got this far to have it pulled away from him. 

He pulled away from the kiss momentarily, "Tyler, just let me- let me know if this gets too much, okay?"

"I'm not going to break, Josh, but okay, yeah." Tyler practically jumped into Josh's lap after that. 

Josh put his hands on Tyler's waist and pulled him in closer, kissing each other all the while. He began to unbutton Tyler's shirt, exposing his chest and God, Josh had waited for this moment for forever. It almost didn't seem _real_ . Josh admired him for a second before letting his hands drift back up to remove the shirt completely, then his own. Their kiss began to heat up when Josh licked his way into Tyler's mouth. It was sloppy, messy, and rushed, but it was worth it. It was theirs. Josh started to feel the heat rising in his lower belly, while he rubbed Tyler's naked back. He moved his lips to his neck, to his collar bone, to the small indention where Josh sucks and bites. 

Tyler released a moan that almost wasn't even human, and it made Josh even more turned on than before. He didn't think it was possible. 

"Josh, I need-I need more," Tyler pleaded. Josh wasted no time lifting Tyler, so he was lying flat on the bed. He slowly began removing his jeans, leaving a trail of kisses on his thighs. He loved seeing Tyler like this.

Josh slowly pulled Tyler's underwear down to his knees. The cold air made Tyler squirm a bit, but Josh gripped him and with a fluid motion started taking his fist up and down, causing Tyler to close his eyes and bite onto his bottom lip. 

"Open your eyes, Ty," Josh demanded in a soft tone. "It's okay. If it's too much I'll stop I promise."

"Not too much," Tyler shook his head. "Just overwhelming. It's different than it was before."

Tyler reached in between them and unbuckled Josh's pants, his member showing through his boxers. 

"Is it really _that_ big?" Tyler asked, eyes wide.

Josh stifled a laugh. "I won't hurt you, I promise. Let me take care of you."

Tyler sat up and grabbed Josh's thick member before holding it in his hand, his finger -tips grazing the head just before licking the tip. Josh gasps and runs a hand through Tylers hair. 

Tyler took more of Josh's length in his mouth and looked up at him. 

"Christ, don't look at me like that or this will be over way too soon," Josh said. 

After a few more bobs, pulls, and licks, Josh was almost ready to explode but he wasn't ready for this to be over.

"Let me make you feel good, lean back," he demanded.

Tyler followed his orders and laid back flat on the bed, stroking himself half-heartedly. Josh grabbed Tyler's legs and lifted them above his shoulders. Tyler's eyes went absurdly wide and his breath caught in his throat.

"Shh, I won't hurt you. Do you have supplies?" Josh asked. 

"Yeah, top drawer. I-I bought them after-" Tyler started but Josh quieted him with a kiss. He didn't want Tyler to be more nervous or shy than he already was.

Josh put a generous amount on his finger, and then a bit around Tyler's hole. Tyler hissed and squirmed at the abrupt coldness. 

"Okay, I need you to be relaxed for this. It'll sting a bit at first, but it will get better. If it's too much or you want me to stop tell me and I will."

Josh waited for Tyler to nod before he began. He rubbed his pointer finger around Tyler's hole a few times before slowly pushing in. He felt Tyler relax after a few seconds. Josh slowly began to pick up a steady pace, in and out, before he was loose enough to insert a second finger. 

"Oh God!" Tyler cried out. "I want more. Please." 

"In a minute. I don't want to hurt you. You need to get used to this first." Josh had to have the patience of a saint. That's the only explanation for as to why he wasn't already coming apart at the seams. Josh picked up a steady pace again, feeling Tyler's tightness around his digits. He squirmed at the thought of him being inside him.

Tyler laid a pillow over his face and buried his head into it, trying to quieten himself as he moaned from Josh's touch.

"Don't hide yourself, Tyler. I wanna hear you. I wanna hear how good I'm making you feel," Josh whispered, encouraging Tyler to let go. He loved how he was making him come apart from just his fingers. He moved his fingers quicker, allowing them to slide in and out with the aid of the lube. 

"Josh, oh my God, this feels-it feels amazing, don't stop," Tyler was an absolute wreck beneath him. He cried out as Josh slipped a third finger into him, the burn almost unbearable until it became pleasurable again after a few thrusts. He hissed a few times from the pain, but he'd never want him to stop.

"Sorry, Ty," Josh said, stilling his fingers. "I just want to make sure you're ready." 

"I think I'm ready Josh, I want you inside me now, please-" Josh nodded and twisted his wrist a few more times before pulling his fingers out of Tyler, admiring the mess they had left. He reached for a condom, but Tyler snatched the box from his hand, pulling one out and holding it with trembling fingers. "Can I- can I …"

"Yeah, yeah, of course you can," Josh assured him. He watched as Tyler shakily opened the wrapper, rolling the condom onto Josh's member. He smirked a bit when his cock twitched from the touch. 

Josh kissed Tyler again, lovingly, wanting him to know that this wasn't just some fling to him. This was theirs and he wanted Tyler to feel safe and loved during this first time. 

Josh grabbed the pillow and positioned it under Tyler's hips, making it a bit more comfortable for him for what they were about to do. 

"Remember Ty, if you need me to stop I will," Tyler nodded so Josh took his cock in his hand and shuffled forwards on his knees, lining himself up with Louis' entrance. "This might hurt, but I'll go slow. I promise."

Josh pushed his hips forward ever so slightly, allowing just the head to press inside of Tyler. He watched as Tyler made a grimace face at the stretch, but he didn't want to tell Josh just how much pain he was in. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking it all in. When he opened his eyes, they met a gaze and Tyler nodded for Josh to keep going. 

Josh pressed slowly into Tyler again, feeling the warmth and the slickness wrap around him. He was so tight, but it was as if Tyler's body was swallowing every inch. He ran his hands over Tyler's thighs to soothe him. Josh was breathing heavily, as was Tyler, at the feeling. It felt so _fucking_ good.

Somehow though, this was different for Josh. This was unlike any feeling he had ever had with anyone else, Brendon included. He realized that this, well this was love. Not just fucking. He loved Tyler and now he was showing him just how much. 

Josh sighed as he bottomed out in Tyler, his hips resting against the other boy. He leaned down and planted a kiss to Tyler's wet lips. "Are you okay?"

"More than okay. This is so good Josh. So good." Tyler moved a bit under Josh begging for movement from Josh's dick.

Josh drew his hips back gently, then pushed forward. He watched Tyler's face to make sure he wasn't in pain before he picked up speed. The room slowly began filling with sounds of their moans and skin on skin contact, but neither of them cared to be quiet. 

"More, Josh, please, I need--," Tyler whispered, not caring how he sounded now Josh was literally was buried inside him. Josh started to thrust his hips a little harder and faster now, already feeling the familiar bubble low in his stomach as he moved, the pair becoming more confident the longer they went. Their bodies were becoming synchronized in movements. Neither afraid to ask for what they wanted anymore. 

Josh then and grabbed Tyler's hips, starting to thrust even harder, knowing Tyler was enjoying it from the noises and the way he was stroking his own cock now. He wanted-needed-Tyler to come first, wanted to be able to watch that, watch him fall apart on his cock. He looked at Tyler's tanned skin and how his thighs were wrapped around his body. They just fit. They were made to be together, just like this. 

"J-Josh!" Tyler all but cried as he stroked himself to orgasm, his release coating his hand and stomach. Josh couldn't turn his eyes away, aroused beyond belief at the sight of Tyler coming undone while he was buried inside him. Tyler was shaking from the force of his orgasm and Josh leaned over, sucking on the side of Tyler's neck, leaving a bite mark, as he felt his own orgasm rapidly approaching. He came hard into the condom, groaning and moaning Tyler's name as he released himself still inside the other boy. 

"Oh my God," Josh said as he carefully pulled out, holding onto the base of the condom, careful not to let anything spill out. He gently pulled it off before tying it and tossing it into the trash can near the bed. 

Josh kissed Tyler lazily for a moment before realizing he needed to clean him up as well. He went to the bathroom quickly and grabbed a wet cloth and began to clean up Tyler, gently wiping it over the boys' stomach and thighs. 

"Thank you, Josh," Tyler whispered. "For taking care of me."

"Always, Ty. You're okay, right? I didn't hurt you or anything?" Josh asked, checking for any signs of hurt on Tyler's face.

"No, I'm a little sore, but I think that's normal, right?" Tyler was flushing red as if they hadn't just been as close as you can be with someone. 

"Definitely normal," smiled Josh. "Now, I don't know about you, but I think we earned some solid nap time."

"Mmm," Tyler whimpered. He snuggled himself into Josh and drifted off.

\-------//-------

A couple hours later Josh found himself waking up in Tyler's bed, patting around the mattress trying to find the other boy but only feeling an empty bed. "Tyler?"

"You know, I don't remember you leaving this many hickeys on me earlier," Tyler laughed from the corner of the room standing in front of the mirror. 

"Sorry. Sometimes I get a little into it," Josh grumbled, still trying to wake up from his post-sex nap.

"Don't apologize. I kind of like it," Tyler whispered, blushing again as he tossed on a shirt. "Do you have plans later?"  
"I don't think so, why?" Josh questioned.

"Let's have a movie night. Patrick is gone for the night with Pete, so we can chill out here. Not that I don't enjoy Brendon, but ya know-" 

"Sounds perfect, Ty." He cut him off before he started nervous rambling again. Not that it wasn't adorable when he did it, but he didn't want Tyler to be embarrassed. "I just need to run back to mine for a bit for some clothes and to clean up."

Josh pulled on his clothes from earlier and kissed Tyler quickly, like it was a routine they always did before leaving. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

Tyler nodded and walked Josh over to the door with a smile that just couldn't seem to leave his face. Josh gave Tyler one more kiss and opened the door, just to see a very angry Mr. Joseph standing in the doorway.


	12. Have Faith In Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I say this at the beginning of every chapter but I'm sorry AGAIN for a late chapter.   
> Life has been not-so-great lately so I had a hard time getting through it. This is the shortest chapter to date and by far not my best writing but I wanted to get something out.
> 
> ANYWAY, this story has one more (possibly two) chapters left.   
> I hope you all enjoy what's to come.   
> As always, thank you for reading & leaving love on this.  
> <3<3

Josh was frozen. Every cell in his body was screaming for him to run, but his legs were cemented to the spot. He wanted to speak, to say anything, but he could see the anger rising up in the older man's face and Josh was terrified of what was to come. 

"Tyler, what is he doing here?" he asked, ignoring the fact that Josh was indeed standing in front of him and he could have just asked him. 

"I was just dropping off an assignment to Tyler. We're in the same creative writing class." Josh lied. He knew that Tyler would be incapable of thinking on the spot, he'd crack under the pressure, so he lied for him. 

"Y-yeah, that's all. I wasn't feeling well so I missed class and Josh didn't want me to be behind. He was just leaving."

Mr. Joseph nodded, still gazing at Josh like he wanted to rip him to shreds but he never moved. Josh gave a small smile to Tyler as he went to walk out the door, but Mr. Joseph slammed his hand across the threshold, making Josh stay in place.

"Care to explain those bruises all over your neck, then? It looks like somebody marked you up pretty well, Tyler, and after your outburst at dinner I have to assume it was just the town's fag who is somehow alone with you in your dorm room." 

Tyler and Josh locked eyes, scared and unknowing how to proceed. Normally, Josh could fake an excuse on a whim to save his ass. It wasn't his best quality, but he did it. Somehow though, in that particular moment, it failed him. Tyler was almost ready to admit to everything, his eyes begging Josh to save him. 

"Tyler, babe, what's all these people doing here?" Confused, Josh turned around to see none other than Brendon about to save his ass, yet again. 

Brendon waltzed through the door with a grace and confidence that was astounding, and he slipped his arms around Tyler's waist. Josh mouthed to Tyler to play along with it, because at that point there was nothing else they could do. 

"Brendon, this is my Dad," Tyler spoke, motioning toward the door, "Dad, this is Brendon." 

"Nice to meet you, sir," Brendon extended his hand out, everyone shocked that Mr. Joseph accepted the shake.

"Are you his boyfriend, son?" He questioned.

"To be honest, we haven't really labeled ourselves just yet. It's a bit early." Brendon replied, placing a quick kiss to Tyler's cheek. Josh was getting jealous, even if he didn't need be, so he decided he'd excuse himself.

"If it's alright, I'm going back to my own dorm now. It was nice to see you again, Mr. Joseph." Josh spoke, barely sliding passed the door. 

"Thank you, Josh!" Tyler yelled back. Only, this time, Josh wasn't sure what he was being thanked for. 

\--------//--------

"So, Brendon, I think if this 'thing' you have with my son is going to continue you need to come by and have dinner with the family. We deserve the chance to approve of this…relationship." Tyler's father was most definitely not going to be lenient of the situation. 

"Dad, I'm sure Brendon would rather be visiting his family in his down time. Isn't that right, _babe_?" 

"I do appreciate the offer, Mr. Joseph but as Tyler said, I do need to see my family when I can." Tyler had never been more thankful that Brendon could lie his way out of a paper bag. He was so calm and confident that it made Tyler feel at ease.

"If you can find time to leave love marks on my son's throat, you can find time for this. Tomorrow night around seven. I'll see you boys then."  
His dad walked out before Tyler could protest any further and the pair just stood in silence for a moment trying to gather their thoughts. 

"Fuck," Brendon whined. "I didn't plan for this. I thought at best he'd punch me a couple times and we'd call it a day. I didn't sign on for dinner."

"This isn't going to be an easy night either," Tyler started. "My family is going to rip you, well us, to shreds. I'm sure Josh has told you about my strict family, but nothing will compare until you see this for yourself."

"You know what? I'm not high enough to process this. I need to smoke," Brendon replied. "You coming?"

Tyler just nodded in response, his mind still trying to process the events of the past thirty minutes.

 

\-----//-----

 

When Brendon and Tyler broke the news to Josh, he was irritated to say the least. He didn't understand why it was so bad for him to be dating Tyler, but they were seemingly okay with Brendon? They even invited him to dinner for Christ's sake. 

"I just don't get it," Josh stated. "Why do they want to meet him? Especially since they hate the gay thing anyway?"

"I don't know but it's going to be a disaster. They aren't doing this out of the kindness of their hearts. You saw what Dad did to me when he found out. I wouldn't expect this to go over any better." Tyler then turned to Brendon, "I don't expect you to go through with this Brendon if it all goes to shit. If that happens again, just leave, okay? Don't worry about me."

"Yeah, no." Brendon replied. "I can handle my own. Hell, I saved Josh a few times. I'm not going to leave you to get beaten to a bloody pulp. We're somehow in this together. Besides, we can test the water with me before we drop the bomb that it's really been Josh."

"Oh God. I'm so sorry Josh. I didn't mean to make a mess of this." Tyler was beginning to fight back tears. 

"Don't cry, it's okay. It'll be fine. We'll figure this out," Josh said as he wrapped his arms around the boy. "Now, Beeb, pass the joint. We need to relax."

 

\-----//-----

 

The next evening was anything but relaxing. Josh had never seen Tyler this stressed and honestly, he just hoped that Brendon would protect him at all costs. If he couldn't be beside Tyler during this, he was at least thankful his best friend would be. Even if it made him a little jealous. 

"Hey, Tyler. It'll be okay. No matter what, I'll always be here for you. Brendon will be there too obviously but you're not alone in this, okay?" Josh tried to give Tyler some encouragement before they left but he was coming up short. It was hard to comfort someone when you needed comforted yourself. 

"Thanks, Josh. I don't want to leave, but we need to go so we can at least be on time." Tyler replied. "We'll be back soon, I hope."  
"I'm ready when you are, Ty." Brendon said as he put the finishing touches on his hair. 

They were about to walk out the door when Josh stopped Tyler. He grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him close and giving him a kiss. It wasn't a usual kiss, just a soft kiss. Something that Josh wanted Tyler to think about when the night was rough. 

"Thank you," Tyler responded, blushing and then they were out the door. 

In the car, Tyler was a little on edge because even Brendon was quiet. Normally, Brendon had lots to say, never a dull moment with him, but right now they were both at a loss for words. 

"Do we have a plan?" asked Tyler.

"Parents love me, Tyler." Brendon glanced over at Tyler, sending him a promising smile. "I say we just go in and hope for the best and see what happens. Just follow my lead. Oh, and I might be a little touchy with you just to help sell it, but if anything makes you uncomfortable just say the word, okay?" 

"Okay, but I'm sorry in advance for this evening. My parents are different. I feel like there's another motive to this."

"It'll be okay," Brendon said. "No matter what, I won't abandon you in this. I've taken my fair share of punches for Josh, so I'm willing to do the same here for you."  
"Take a left up here," Tyler instructed. "Yeah, well, I hope you brought your armor, because we're here."

The pair made their way from the car to the porch, Brendon sliding his hand into Tyler's and honestly Tyler was thankful. His gut was knotted and his head felt like it was going to start spinning exorcist style at any second. Tyler reluctantly extended his free hand and rang the doorbell.

"Here goes nothing," whispered Tyler. 

The door opened revealing Mr. Joseph ready to usher them inside. "Hello, Tyler, Brendon," he said. "Come in, dinner is almost ready."

Brendon confidently smiled back at him, following Tyler inside the home. It was a quaint house, religious pictures and sayings on almost every wall, with almost as many family photos alongside them. 

"Tyler, go on and show him to the dining room. I'm going to help your mother finish the food. It's just us tonight," he spoke again. Tyler nodded, scared of why his family was so _fine_.

Tyler grabbed Brendon by the hand to lead him. "Are you sure you still want to go through with this? There's time to back out."

"No. We're doing this. It's best to just get it out of the way, right? Rip off the band-aid," Brendon replied. 

"We'll probably _need_ the band-aids before it's over, Brendon," Tyler laughed.

They sat down side by side at the table and waited for the Josephs to bring in the dinner. Neither of them really said much, just enough to calm some nerves and just enough not to raise suspicion. Brendon caught Mr. Joseph staring from the archway of the kitchen, so he smoothly leaned in and kissed Tyler on the cheek with a wink.   
"Your dad was watching us," he whispered, barely audible. "I didn't want him to get too suspicious."

Before Tyler could reply, his parents were bringing in the food and placing it on the table. 

"Brendon," his mother started, "it's nice to meet you."

Brendon stood up and grabbed her hand. "It's my pleasure, Mrs. Joseph," he said. "Tyler has told me so much about you all. It's nice to have faces to names."

"All good things, I hope." She laid the dishes on the table and sent a smile to the boys. "I hope you like spaghetti."

"It's perfect," Brendon smiled. "Thank you."

Tyler was already shocked how well Brendon was blending into the 'meet the parents' scene. He really wasn't joking when he said parents loved him.   
They all ate their dinner in a comfortable setting. Everyone had seemed to be on their best behavior and Tyler was starting to enjoy himself and started to let himself think that maybe they would accept him and Josh eventually too. It wasn't until they had finished dessert that it went miserably wrong.

"Brendon, we have had such a lovely time with you tonight. We were worried at first Tyler had been seeing the Josh fellow he ran around with in school, but you have been a pleasure." Tyler's mother said.

"With all due respect, Josh is my roommate and I'm sure he would have treated Tyler with the upmost respect, ma'am," Brendon replied trying to be as polite as possible yet still stick up for his best friend. Tyler felt the tension in the room rise up that exact moment.

"He's the one who corrupted our son to begin with. I'd highly doubt there's anything respectable about him," his father interjected. "I almost went to his house to beat some sense into him after he first came onto Tyler years ago, but I didn't because Tyler begged me not to." 

Tyler winced and tried to ignore it. He knew Brendon knew the truth by now, but he felt like he was watching this unfold from someone else's point of view. It was like he was watching a movie of his life and he couldn't intervene. He didn't know _how_ . He glanced over at Brendon, sending him a sad, helpless, smile.

"I don't want to overstep my place, but I have to disagree. Josh is one of the nicest people I've ever met. He'd go to great lengths for anyone he cares about. I'm sure you saw that when they were friends before. I'm sorry you have bad feelings toward him, but he's a good person." Brendon raised his voice a notch, not to yell just to make sure he was being confident and heard.

"Bad feelings?" Mrs. Joseph laughed, "That's an understatement. He did _this_ to our son. He changed him, corrupted him, and I am _trying_ to be okay with Tyler but I will never forgive Joshua for what he has done."

It all happened in slow motion, yet so fast. Brendon watched as Tyler abruptly stood up and slammed his hands on top of the table causing the glasses to rattle and everyone draw attention to him. Brendon's mouth fell open and he tried to grab onto Tyler's arm to pull him down, but he resisted.

"That's enough!" Tyler shouted. "You think this was all Josh's fault? You're wrong." 

"Tyler, listen-" his dad tried to speak but Tyler cut him off.

"No, _you_ listen. Josh isn't to blame here. You want the truth? The truth is that I blamed it all on him 'cause I was scared of what I felt. You preach the wrath of God and shoved it down my throat every day, so of course I was fucking scared. So, guess what, Dad? He never came onto me because it was me who kissed him! I was just crying because I didn't know how to handle what had happened." 

Tyler was shaking from his words. There was no going back now, so he decided to just come clean from everything. The truth shall set you free, right?

"Oh," Tyler added. "Since we're on the topic, I'm not even dating Brendon he's just here to save my ass so you wouldn't kill Josh in my dorm room. Because I love Josh. I love him more than I thought I could, but I do. I'm sorry that you can't move forward from what happened. It took me a long time to gain Josh's forgiveness for what I did to him and I owe him now to stand up for him to you."

Nobody said a word. Everybody at the table was still in shock that Tyler had raised his voice and came clean about what the past held. Tyler stormed out of the room, only for a second, before coming back to grab Brendon by the arm and pulling him out of the dining room. Tyler didn't let go of him until they had reached the car door, throwing himself into the passenger side, and slamming the door.

"Are you alright?" Brendon asked once they headed down the driveway. "I know that wasn't easy, Ty. I'm proud of you though."

"I'm fine. I feel almost liberated. Kinda pissed, but happy too? I'm almost weirdly proud, so thank you. For coming with me and witnessing that because I wouldn't believe it was real if you didn't back me up on this." Tyler laughed. 

"You almost went full Hulk in there. Hot damn, that was intense!" Brendon extended his hand for a fist bump, and Tyler nudged it back, both of them laughing. 

After the laughter died down and they had sat in silence for a few moments, Tyler had lost himself in his thoughts, and not being able to wait to tell Josh the events.

"Did you mean it?" Brendon asked.

"Did I mean what?"

"You said you loved Josh. Did you mean it? I won't tell him if it was just a heat of the moment thing, I was just curious." Brendon questioned. 

Tyler hadn't even noticed it. He was just so heated and so ready to fight for Josh that the words just flowed out. He knew it though. He knew there would never be anyone else that compared to Josh. 

"Yeah, yeah I did." Tyler said.

"Then tell him."


	13. Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, folks, the bittersweet end of this story.  
> Im sorry it took so long to get out, (my mom got married, traveling, etc) but I'm happy/sad/excited to get this out into the universe!
> 
> THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to read/comment/leave kudos on this. I genuinely can't believe how incredible you all are.<3
> 
> I have a few more stories outlined, so stay tuned. Or, follow me on twitter if you ever wonder what I'm upto @ desiraymckay
> 
> Again, THANK YOU<3

Josh waited for what felt like an eternity for them to come back. He had tried to take his mind off of it all by staying busy, working on some long overdue homework but his mind just raced. He was worried and concerned and he'd be damned if he'd let Tyler's parents take him away from him again. The hours passed slowly but eventually Josh heard the key sliding into their door, causing the butterflies and nerves to wake up in his body. He instinctively sat up from the bed, waiting for the door to open. Sue him for being excited and on edge. 

"You awake, Josh?" He was a little disappointed hearing Brendon's voice and not Tyler's but he tried not to show it. His stomach was twisted with worry. 

"Yeah, yeah, I am. How did it go?" 

Brendon didn't answer right away, causing the anxiety to rise inside of Josh. "It was… eventful to say the least."

"C'mon, Beebs, now is not the time to skip details," Josh said. "Where is he?"

"It was a long night, Josh. It started out so smooth, then it all went to shit within seconds. Literally, seconds. It was like lightning fast and I-I think you need to talk to Tyler about it. It's not my place to tell it all. I will say it wasn't all bad, but toward the end was…intense. Look, the longer you listen to me babble is longer you're away from him and he's waiting on you, anyway. He said you'd know where to find him." 

Josh wasted no time standing straight up and slipping on his shoes and hoodie. He desperately just _needed_ Tyler now. He was about to sprint towards the door when Brendon stopped him and just pulled him into a hug. Josh was stunned but he hugged his friend back harder than ever. 

"You know I love you, right?" Brendon asked. "I'm so happy you found someone, but I'll always be here when you need me. In the wise words of Meredith Grey, 'you're my person, you will always be my person.'"

"Love you, Beebo. I owe you so much. So, fucking much and I hope you know how much you will always mean to me. You saved me, dude. You are a God-sent," Josh replied, eyes glassing over with tears. 

Brendon gave a smile back. "Good. Now that's over with, go find your boy."

\-----//-----

It didn't take Josh long to know where to go. He went to the same place Tyler always went to hide out and be away from the world. Josh kept a brisk pace walking through the woods and just hoped he wouldn't trip and fall over any fallen branches in the dark, only having a flashlight from his phone. After walking around for about half an hour, Josh finally found the familiar landscape and ladder leading up to the old treehouse- _their_ treehouse. 

As he made it to the top there was a small flicker of light illuminating from the lamp in the corner Tyler must have brought with him, and across from it was where Tyler was sitting. 

"Josh!" He exclaimed. "I'm so glad you knew where to come. I was starting to worry. I didn't really think it through before I just abandoned Brendon. I just-I forget sometimes people aren't really in my head to know what I'm thinking."

"Of course I knew where to go. Sometimes I think I know you better than you do, Ty." He slid down the wall and sat beside Tyler trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach from their knees touching. Josh knew he was so far gone for this boy. "So, how was dinner?"

"Did Brendon not tell you?" Josh shook his head. "It was eventful I guess. I was scared."

"Tell me from the beginning then?" Josh inquired as he carefully wrapped his arms around Tyler.

"It wasn't all bad I guess. It started out pretty great, actually. Brendon didn't lie-- parents love him. He charmed the hell out of them, you should have seen it!" He laughed. "Then they started saying rude things about you. All these things about how you corrupted me, how you changed me, and I couldn't listen to it any longer. I told them the truth…about everything. How it was really me who kissed you and how it's you that I'm with. They were horrified, Josh."

Josh didn't know what to say so he sat quietly with his arms around Tyler while he listened to him speak.

"Brendon tried to stop me. He was handling it so well, sticking up for you but being super passive. I just-I couldn't. You would have been so proud of me. I ran so fast out of there I almost forgot to grab Brendon." 

Josh shifted a bit to look Tyler directly in the eyes. "I'm always proud of you, Ty. You've become you again. I will always be proud of you. You're one of my favorite people on this entire planet."

In that moment, everything felt _right_. Josh couldn't help but fall more in love when he saw Tyler's face light up. 

"There was um, one more thing I need to tell you about, actually," said Tyler. "I had this sort of revelation in the middle of all this. You know that we were closer than anyone else in the world, and somewhere along the way I lost sight of that. I was scared of how I felt for you and I couldn't understand why it didn't make sense, but now I get it. It didn't make sense because there was nothing wrong to make sense of. It was just you and me to the end of the world. I love you, Joshua William Dun. I think I always have."

Josh didn't have words. There weren't words to sum up how he felt or what he wanted to say. They say actions speak louder than words, so Josh kissed Tyler with more passion and want than he had in his entire life. This was what he had always wanted. Nothing less, nothing more.

Tyler pulled away first almost abruptly, staying super close to Josh's face. "Hey Josh?"

"What's wrong?" Josh asked. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to say thank you. For giving me a chance to redeem myself. I love you. Wow, I will never get tired of saying that." 

"And I love you, Tyler Robert Joseph."


End file.
